Princess Mom

New Blog

2006-09-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I must say, I am nervous to do this but...

I've moved!

Come on over to my new site!

http://mommiverse.blogsome.com

Change your links and let me know what you think!

Photo Show

2006-09-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

Got some pictures of the kids taken yesterday. Noticed they looked oddly like last year's shots:

Smiles

2006-09-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

A few things that make me smile:

1. Spider gave me her first social smiles this morning. The joy! She's like a real person now!

2. Spider's increasingly more awake, big, blue eyes.

3. A fresh box of Crayola Crayons. Does anyone else just love new crayons? Whenever they are on sale, say five for a buck, I buy a bunch of them. I don't give them to my kids (they might get one), no they are for me. For me to look at and maybe color with. Is that weird?

4. Creative Memories is launching digital storybooks. I went to training last night and holy cow, I am excited. Anyone who does digital pictures and doesn't like to scrapbook (and even those who do) is going to want one of these. (I sent mine in for printing yesterday) The software is incredibly simple to use-- you just drop and drag your pics into templates of your choice, add your journaling, and send it in. They send you back a beautiful book. And they ARE beautiful. If anyone is interested let me know... the software should be available for free download in October...

5. I just got my proofs for Spider's baby announcements and they are AMAZING!
And last, but not least...

6. My lightning fast internet connection. Life is good.

Tears are Flowing

2006-09-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

A Haiku
by Me

The Tears are Flowing
High Speed Internet is here
A Beautiful Thing

Trust

2006-09-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

What is trust?

The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary indicates that trust is to place confidence or rely on. So when you trust a person, essentially you place confidence in them or you rely on them. But it still has many different implications.

You can trust a person, for instance, not to totally destroy your laptop when they take it to the library to use wireless internet. (Apparently, Charming does not trust me in this matter.) Or, for example, you can trust a person not to hurt your feelings. You trust people not to steal from you or lie to you. You trust people with your children. Your trust people with your secrets and your vulnerabilities. You trust the valet when you leave him with your expensive car, (though maybe you shouldn't, lest you have a Ferris Bueller like experience).

My point is, there are so many facets of trust. We use the word in so many different ways that mean so much more than just "place confidence." What does it really mean when you tell someone, "I trust you."

I trust Charming, for example, to provide for our family. I trust that he will do what he can to protect my body and soul from harm. I trust him to love me and not hurt me. I cannot trust him, however, to clean the house while I am gone, or do chores unless I ask him, or be on time, necessarily-- based mostly on past experiences.

I trust my mother to be supportive of me, but I can't always trust that she will not get her feelings hurt by something that I do. I can trust her with my feelings, but not necessarily my secrets.

I trust my father to assist me should I call on him for help, but I cannot necessarily trust him with my feelings. I trust him to love me, but don't trust that when we're together we won't argue.

And the thing about trusting another person, is there are so few we can trust completely for everything. Really the only person we can trust in with our whole souls is God. And though I didn't intend for this to be a religiousy post, who else is there? I don't even trust myself entirely. And yet I can trust that the Lord is perfect and makes no mistakes. I can trust that if something bad goes on in my life, that He will be there for me, without condemning me or making me feel dumb.

Isn't that a good feeling?

Any thoughts on trust that you'd like to share?

Jealousy

2006-09-14T09:55:00.000-07:00

Alright, I am going to let you in on a little secret... Shhh...Are you ready? Okay. Here goes.

We use the word “boobs” at my house.

Now you know. Not the most conservative, toddler appropriate term to use, and yet easy to say and less crass than many other synonyms.

I make this confession to you, so that I may tell my story.

Now, it's not a secret that I am breastfeeding Spider. We do call it “nursing” around here (not boob-feeding, like you might be inclined to believe) and it is a source of much jealousy for my two older children. Reenie is jealous because it takes Mommy's time and attention. E is jealous because he too would like to be able to breastfeed Spider.

I kid you not.

The other day E and Spider were laying on the floor together when E begins to lift up his shirt and ask the baby if she would like to nurse. He and I then had the following, emotional conversation.

Me: E, you can't nurse because you don't have boobs.
E: Yes, I do.
Me: NO you don't.
E: (Getting tearful and lifting his shirt) Yes I do, they are right here.
Me: Okay.
E: (Whining) I have little boobs.
Me: Okay.
E: (Still whining) You have big boobs.

And then I could not argue. He is a very perceptive child.

Spit-up

2006-09-05T13:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have a confession... I like the smell of baby spit-up. No, no I love how it smells.

Good thing, since I have a newborn, eh?

No, seriously. I love how the scent of spitup. My fragrance of choice? Eau de bebe puke.

Need convincing? Okay, well a couple of months ago a friend brought her baby over with her on a visit. The baby was about 3 months old and she spit up on me. My friend kept apologizing and I kept reassuring her that I didn't mind. (Hey, I'd been spit up on before!) Anyway, so after she left, I totally could have changed my shirt, but I did not. I just kept smelling myself all day and smiling.

So that's all. I am loving the smell of Spider and Me. And loving that I just got one more pair of pants to fit.

P.S. The posting has been sporadic lately for two reasons. 1. Spider. 2. Slow Lame-ola Dial Up Internet, aka $10 a month spent so I can spend 20 minutes trying to get to my inbox.

What I Grew on my Summer Vacation

2006-08-25T15:09:00.000-07:00

Happiness is cheap groceries and a new baby

2006-08-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

So I actually dared to take my THREE children to the grocery store Monday. We had to use the car cart, of course. E rode in the front, Spider was in her car seat which I (gasp) snapped into the child seat part (thus making loading groceries into the cart rather interesting), while Reenie insisted on walking and "helping" me by pushing the cart and picking out groceries to put in it.

And let me just tell you, I flipping ROCKED the Albertson's Store Monday. I spent $56 and saved... $89 . Yes, you read that right friends. But wait- there's more. I still haven't sent in my $10 rebate which means, I essentially spent $46 and saved $99. Who rocks? Yeah, that'd be me.

Grocery savings powers aside, I would like to post about how happy I am right now. I fell like I have the opposite of postpartum depression. Call it postpartum elation, even. Having a third child has been VOLUMES easier than I thought it would be. Of course, it helps that Spider is an awesome baby as far as sleeping goes, and we are only a week and a half into this parenting three kids thing. But seriously, I am adjusting incredibly well.

I feel so blessed to have this new baby. My family just feels more complete now, though we might not be done, I feel as if we were we'd be okay. I love having a baby again. I love the little noises she makes, I love smelling her and holding her, I even love changing her little tiny diapers. I am so in love with this itty bitty miracle.

I could not have asked for a better labor either. It was of course, labor, and therefore had the accompanying pains, but it was the first labor that I actually had time to mentally get in the game. My first labor was induced with pitocin and was 3 hours and 45 minutes of hard and fast contractions while I was stuck in a bed with no pain medication. The second labor was 75 minutes and was filled with the panic of "are we even going to get there in time?" This time my water was broken by my midwife and six hours later Spider was here. Still short. The labor itself was only about 2 or 3 hours, but the contractions came on slower and the hard part of labor--transition-- had a lot less mental anxiety for me, and I am sure this is because of my many prayers said before and during the event. (I of course offered many prayers of thanks afterwards as well.) I got one stitch and my body is loving being un-pregnant.

And to top it off, I have felt so much love and support from my church family. I just can't believe how many people visited me in the hospital and who have called and offered to do things since I've been home. And of course all the food that has been brought to us. It has all been so wonderful and I feel so happy and content.

Seriously, does life get any better than this?

She's HERE!

2006-08-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

Baby Spider has arrived!

6lbs 2 oz, 17 1/2 inches long. Tiny, tiny, tiny.

But doing well. Best labor yet-- all natural.

And I am loving having a wee one again.

The Big Day Comes Soon

2006-08-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

Monday.

Monday is the day that my nurse-midwife will break my water, because I have fast labor and want to make sure I am actually at the hopital for the birth. (Reenie's labor was 75 minutes, please don't be jealous).

Monday is the day that we will wait for Baby Spider to come.

Monday.

The Big Day.

I have more anxiety than I thought humanly possible.

Because I know what is coming. Excited as I am to meet this baby, I don't really want to experience the process. And it is scheduled. Which means that I know when it is going to happen and I am going voluntarily.

Is it too late to back out of this?

You'd Think I was a Robin or something...

2006-08-10T06:37:00.000-07:00

The nesting has gotten seriously out of control....

How many crazy things have I done to my house in my very pregnant state? Let's Review:

In the past month and a half I:

*painted thewalls in the "eating nook"

*painted and stenciled the family room walls

*went crazy hanging up photos and mirrors that had been lying around for months

*did some creative work in the baby's room including painting a picture frame with a picture of a little girl praying in it and putting up vinyl lettering

*completed numerous baby preparation shopping tasks

In the past couple of weeks I:

*wiped down all the lightswitch plates to get the fingerprints off

*wiped down the walls for the same reason

*cleaned toilets when I thought I might be in labor (four hours of contractions 5 minutes apart)

2 days ago I:

*organized my closets

*went through all of Reenie and E's old clothes and separated and labeled them by size

*sewed burp cloths that I intended to make when E was a baby

*sewed a bib for Reenie out of tablecloth type vinyl that I intended to make for E when he was her age

Yesterday I:

*sewed more kites for E and Reenie's room

*had Charming help me rearrange our family room furniture (I LOVE it)

*decluttered my entire main floor

*vacuumed

*cleaned my bedroom

*wiped down my cabinets

*got on my hands and knees and cleaned under the cabinet in the place where the garbage can usually is

*wiped down the front of my fridge

*wiped out a drawer in my bathroom that's been bugging me for awhile

That's It.

4 days until the big event. What else needs to get done?

Young= Bad?

2006-08-09T12:21:00.000-07:00

Not to unnecessarily revisit this topic, but today there were 3, yes 3, cups in the cubby when I went to put mine in. Gross-osity.

Okay, on to today's topic.

Does it bother anyone else when older celebrity moms talk about how they're SOOO much better of a parent now than they would have been if they'd had kids in their 20's?

It sort of offends me.

Not because I have a problem with older moms... I just happen to be a mom in her 20's who doesn't think that I am a crappy mom because I am in my 20's.

Fair enough?

The thing is, how do they really know that about themselves? How can they really say they are a better parent now than they would have been then? Less selfish now? More mature now? I don't know. Personally, I feel like at whatever age you are, having a baby changes you. Becoming a parent forces you to be less selfish, forces you to grow up because all of a sudden your life isn't just about you anymore. Someone very small depends on you entirely, for everything, and that really makes you have to step up and be an adult.

And you can make comments like, "what about Britney Spears?" and that kind of thing, but really, do we think she would be that much more mature in 20 years? I think for the most part the non-mature parents are the people lacking education, who quite frankly would probably be the same type of parent at 20, 30, 40 or 50. And all parents do make mistakes, even Britney.

Am I way off?

I hope I haven't started any controversy here, but I just don't like being made to feel bad about being a young mom.

Monday Morning Confessions: Things I have gotten used to, but will not miss when they are gone

2006-08-07T08:28:00.000-07:00

Another pregnancy post. (Stick with me, I've only got a week left!)

1. The drool

I have grown accustomed to this little "habit" of mine that occurs everytime I sleep. I will not miss my wet pillow when this pregnancy is over.

2. The neck sweat

I don't know what it is, but whenever I sleep, I sweat profusely between my chin and neck.

3. The pains

Not really used to them yet. Yesterday I had sharp pains in my left leg and ahem... buttocks every time I walked around. Won't miss them.

4. Waking up multiple times a night

Oh wait, this one isn't going to go away. At least it won't be because I have to pee. At least there will be an actual little person who will be happy to see me, instead of just cold, heartless porcelain.

Your turn. Any unpleasantries in your life, that you've gotten used to that could go away and you'd be glad to see them go? Fill me in.

Burning Question

2006-08-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else have one random light in the house that is always on? For no logical reason? Mine is the laundry room light. Why it's on, no one knows.

And, FYI- the last few weeks of pregnancy are torture.

The Urine Sample

2006-08-02T10:31:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I am not going to be pregnant for much longer, so I figure I better talk about all the pregnancy topics before it's too late...

But before, I get going on this one, many of you commented on the last post about loving the increased bust size during pregnancy. I wanted to mention that I liked this as well, but did not care for the stretch marks on the associated appendages. In other words, as exotic as it sounds, "Tiger Boobs" are not that great.

Okay, so the urine sample. At my current nurse-midwive's office, you pee in the cup and put it in that cubby thing in the wall. Am I the only one that secretly fears that just as I am putting the cup up there, that the nurse will open the other side at the same time? Not that it's that big of a deal, I mean whoopdy-doo, she saw me and identified me with my own pee, but still. That'd be a little weird.

And is anyone else grossed out, when they put their own cup up there and someone else's cup is there too? Last week, I faced near crisis when there was not only one cup up there, but two. Two cups of other people's pee, and to make matters worse, they were placed in such a manner that in order for me to put my cup up there I would have to move one of them. In other words, I would have to touch the cup of someone else's pee. I think I finally just used my cup to kind of shunt the other one over, praying that no spillage would ensue.

Of course, the pee sample at the doctor's office is not near as bad as the dreaded 24 HOUR URINE SAMPLE. If you have never had to do this, pray you never will. I had to with my first pregnancy because I had pre-eclampsia. Oh my word. Every time you pee, you must collect it, and pour it into a big orange jug. This big orange jug must be kept... dunh, dunh, dunh... in your refrigerator! Aahhhhh! So gross. I remember being so relieved after I had done it, glad I would never have to do it again. Yeah, I think I did about 3 more of those that pregnancy. Sick.

So yeah, any thoughts? Yes, I know I have just asked you to comment about pee. But c'mon, we've all had to do it at one point, pregnancy related or not.

Monday Morning Confessions: Pregnancy

2006-07-31T09:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I am 37 weeks this week. Some things I love about being pregnant, and some things I don't:

1. My body

I love it, love it, love it. I love being so curvy and voluptuous and having a good reason for it. (And I love not feeling guilty about brownies and ice cream). Charming likes my body too, and that's a plus. Of course there is one exception to my body self-love:

2. My butt

Yeah, I am not so big in the belly this pregnancy, but I noticed the other day that my butt is. In fact, I would go so far to say that my rear end is bigger than my belly. Not good. Not good at all.

3. The constant need to pee

Is it some kind of punishment? I mean, seriously. Is it very important that I need to use the toilet every 15 minutes, and sometimes just to dribble out almost nothing? At my baby shower during my last pregnancy, my friends had to guess my least favorite thing about pregnancy, and most said bedrest, since I had been on it for 9 weeks between the two pregnancies. But they were wrong. Need to pee. Hate it.

4. Feeling Baby Move

Unless I am trying to sleep and the child is keeping me awake, this is pretty much my favorite thing. Not to be cheesy, but it's pretty magical. It's the one thing that I miss once they're on the outside. Special. Really Special

5. The Braxton-Hicks Contractions

Really, I like to call these "fakey" contractions, since whoever Braxton-Hicks was, they certainly didn't invent the darn things, though it was nice of them to take the credit for them. Let me tell you that I love and hate these suckers. I like them because I feel like my body is doing something, and every one of them makes me that much closer to the big day. I don't like them because they are starting to be painful and because every one of them makes me think I am that much closer to the big day. And because I have so many, it is hard for me to know when I am really in labor (hence why Reenie was born 10 minutes after we got to the birth center.)

6. My wardrobe

Again, mixed feelings. I have some really cute stuff that I can only wear during pregnancy, but 9 months of the same stuff is a bit long... Especially towards the end when I only have one outfit that fits. And after the birth? No good at all, even though they are usually all that fits.

Your turn. If you've been pregnant, what did you like? What did you hate? If you haven't been pregnant but you've had a friend or relative who has, what did you like or hate about them during their pregnancy? (Be as nice as you can). Tell me, I want to know.

The Long Awaited

2006-07-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

This post is about two long awaited things: 1. My first pedicure in over five years, and 2. the pictures of my pink walls.

So the pdicure... I have had plantar warts on my feet since I was pregnant with E, thus preventing me from getting a professional pedicure. After much effort, they are finally (mostly) gone. So, since I can't reach my feet myself, I set out for a pedicure.

Funny thing happened in the comfy, vibrating spa chair in a room full of strong and foreign smells- I started to feel lightheaded, like I was about to pass out. It will go away, I told myself. Then I prayed it would go away. But no. Progressively worse, friends. It got to the point where I almost couldn't hear anything. So I told the lady I didn't feel well, she saw my lack of pigment and took me over to the couch to lie down. She then gave me some menthol stuff that she uses (as she herself passes out quite frequently) and tried to take care of me with water, Dr. Pepper and Asian Shrimp Crackers.

I can't remember when I have been taken care of so well. And I love my new beautiful feet.

Now, before I post the pics of my family room, let me make the following disclaimer: I love interior design, I watch HGTV when I can, I have a subscription to Better Homes and Gardens, and yet, I am no interior decorator. I can't quite get it right. So forgive me. Hopefully with time I will have my mother's skills of turning trash into home decor treasure. Until then...

This is my kids room, that my sis and I painted a few months ago. I am supposed to make more kites, but hey, it took me months to sit down and do the three you see here.

These are some scrapbook style works I did for the wall going up the stairs. The frames are mirrors from the dollar store.

This is a picture I got for Baby Spider's room. I bought the pic and the frame separately at a thrift store. The picture was actually bigger with a rip in the corner and the frame was all white. I chopped the pic a little, painted the frame and voila! Less than 2 bucks.

Here it is, the family room. Note the contrasting stencil work... And I need something for that right corner space. A picture or a huge plant or something.

The couch needs a throw or a quilt or something. And pretty pillows to tie the colors together better.

In my dining room.

It is a shame that this picture did not turn out better, as it is my favorite of the pink walls.

Well, at least they like my decorating...

And that's that. Let me know what you think.

Also, please note that if you spend almost an hour trying to make a post like this using dial-up internet, your two year old will take a pen and create tiger stripes running the entire length of her legs.

Slacker

2006-07-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

I am a blog slacker, it is true. BUT...

The pictures of the pink living room are coming... I don't have a digital camera, so I do things the old fashioned way. With a film camera and a scanner. Expect them Friday... They are coming.

And I have funny kids.

Tonight Reenie had one of those glowstick bracelets. She was putting the plastic connector in her mouth and then pulling it off the stick with her teeth. It made a sound and she then informed me, "I made it fart." Yeah, she's not quite 2 yet.

Then later she was telling us that we were all robots. E comes in and says, "Don't be so DAFT. We're not robots we're boys and girls." Daft? Don't know where that came from. Funny though. Charming asked him who was a boy, and he said, "E." Then Charming asked him who was a girl. Reenie. "And who else is a girl?" he asked, to which E replied, "Who's a lady? Mommy."

The pictures are coming soon, and hopefully a better post.

Mom-ness

2006-07-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

So I am sitting here in front of the computer with a teletubbie in my shirt between my bosoms and two kids on my lap.

Just thought you should know.

People are Weird

2006-07-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I haven't posted in awhile but I have been thinking about the blog...

You know you've been thinking about the blog too much when you have a dream and in the dream you think, I am going to blog about this dream, and how weird it is and you then work out your exact post in the dream. Yep. Happened last night, only the dream isn't so very funny to blog about. I mean it sort of is/was. If I have any requests for it, I'll post about it.

Anyway, people are weird.

So I go to the El Cheapo Gas Station today, and of course there is a line, since it is El Cheapo Gas. The person I choose to be behind in line is (no offense) an overweight man in a shirt that says "Scotsman for hire." Well, 'Ol Scotty is pumping his gas and cleaning his already clean looking back window. When his gas is finished, he hangs up the nozzle and proceeds to squeegee ALL the windows. Then a woman gets out of the car, looks at the pump number and goes in to pay? I don't know, but he just kept cleaning the windows even though I was clearly waiting, his windows were already clean, his gas was done pumping... and hello, I was waiting! In a minivan! Not some little car that he couldn't see... (I've heard that one before when a car backed into my OLDSMOBILE)

Another car had come up, pumped her gas and left during the time I was waiting for the Scotsman. In fact, I drove around used her pump, and Scotty drove off shortly before I did.

People are weird.

And then I had a playdate set up for today. Apparently the other mom's daughter fell asleep and would possibly not be up before our 3:00 playdate time. She said on her phone message she could come later but not too much later than that. So I am thinking like no later than 3:45 or even 3:30. When I talked to her on the phone she said if it's even 3:15 she won't make it because she has a lot to do. This to me seemed weird. If 3:15 is too late, then isn't 3 too late as well? Why did we set it up for that time if it ultimately was too late? Was she only planning on playing f0r 30 minutes? And she does live just down a couple streets. A 5 minute walk.

People are weird.

What do you think?

Nesting part deux

2006-07-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

So, I realized something about my nesting... nothing I am doing has anything to do with the baby. It's all just random stuff I have wanted to do for awhile. I'm not painting the nursery or sorting through baby clothes, I am just decorating my house. Any ideas on why this is?

I feel blessed to be pregnant. I am excited for our new arrival and just glad that I have never struggled with fertility issues. And yet... I am miserable. I just am not loving being pregnant right now. I am tired, I have a bazillion contractions a day, the extra weight is taking its toll, I can't eat anything without some kind of stomach incident... ick-a-roo. I am literally counting the days... and struggling through every one. And to make things worse, Charming's place of employment has just decreed that they own him for the next week or more and that he can never come home again. Okay, not those words exactly, but might as well have been.

Uggh. So much to do. So no help from an absent hubby. But the family room is looking fabulous. I've been stenciling.

Nesting

2006-07-08T12:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry no post for awhile. It's been a little bit crazy around here...

I've been nesting.

This is my third pregnancy. I have never successfully made it to 34 weeks without going on bedrest (I am 34 weeks on Tuesday, cross your fingers) and I have consequently never had the true "nesting" urge.

Until now.

I was on vacation in Idaho for a week and while there I got decorating fever. Perhaps it was the plethora of home and garden type magazines that were available at the cabin or maybe all the HGTV I watched. I don't know. But something happened and when I came home, life took a turn.

Charming did an amazing job getting the house all clean for our return. And yet over the next few days I found myself obsessively cleaning, making plans, and making sure all the art and decor I have had lying around for months got hung up on the walls.

And on Monday I bought paint. A sophisticated rose color called "cheeky", but let's not be fooling ourselves here, it's pink. And I had to paint the walls IMMEDIATELY. Not the nursery folks, the dining room. The room where all genders convene for meals. Risky? I don't know, but I LOVE IT. It looks SO good.

Needless to say, I probably overdid it a little on that day. The Fourth found me more than a little exhausted and I consumed a bit too much medium rare beef that night as at 2 am I was in the hospital. I had woken up around 1 am with some serious contractions. I get them all the time, but this time they were a little too close, and a little too uncomfortable in between. I threw up. I didn't feel better. I pooed. I didn't feel better. So after a prayer and a call to the neighbor, we were off.

The sort of funny thing is that on the drive there I made Charming pull over so I could puke some more. A car drove by, and I thought to myself, "It's fourth of July eve, they probably think I am drunk." Ironic, since I don't drink. Anyway.

So we went to the labor and delivery. They gave me a bag of fluid and a shot of morphine in the bum and I was ever so sleepy for the next 24 hours or more. I literally slept all day Wednesday, put the kids to bed early since Charming was working late, and went to bed at 9:30 and woke up Thursday morning at 8:30. Can you see why I didn't blog?

And then on Thursday, Charming and I took a few days to go to a hotel and enjoy the local sights without the kids.

So nice. And now I am back. Not on bedrest, and ready to paint the family room.

2006-06-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

Well not sure if I should post again, since I just posted yesterday, but... I feel I must give some serious props to my friend Heather who took these fabulous family and maternity pictures for me a couple weeks ago.

Here they are:

I'd put more, but since I have such a slow internet connection, I better leave it at these and go pay attention to my family!

Home Again

2006-06-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I am back.

Great trip. I am a very sentimental person, and for some reason I am emotionally attached to various places.

My family has a cabin on a lake in Idaho. We went there first for a few days, just me and the kids since Charming can't take time off in the summer. Loved it. The kids spent so much time in the water playing with the sand and the neighbor's dog. Even with the sunscreen, their skin got some healthy color and their hair got all bleached out. So wonderful and relaxing. And not too hot.

Then we stayed at my mom's house. Not the house I grew up in or anything, but there is just something about mom's house that just makes it home.

But the best part of the trip was Grandma's house. Grandma lives on a farm-- not an animal farm, but a farm out in the middle of nowhere with gorgeous wheat fields surrounding it for as far as the eye can see. She lives in a circa 1900 or 1910 white farm house complete with wrap around porch. The thing I love the most about grandma's house is simply the feeling I have when I am there.

Growing up, my parents were divorced and we never lived in one place for too long. Grandma and Grandpa's house was one of the only constants in my life. We spent many vacations there, waking up in the morning to egg pancakes (some might say crepes) and games of rummy with Grandma and Grandpa. In the summers we would pick peaches and help Grandma can them. In the fall (or late summer) we sometimes went out with Grandpa in the combine or the wheat truck for the harvest. In the winter we would go sledding on old fashioned sleds down the big hill, and we could always expect to hear Santa's sleigh bells (that Grandpa shook) on Christmas Eve. Grandma and Grandma's house was a safe place. It was a constant.

When Grandpa died, Grandma did some furniture rearranging to get her through the grieving. It almost pained me to see the family room turned into a dining room, and Grandpa's tv chair, where he was so often snoring the night away, missing. It was like something sacred had been desecrated. I know I wasn't the only grandchild to be upset over it, but I can see why Gram did what she did. But the spirit of their home was still there, and I eventually was able to move past it.

We had a great time, me and the kids. We set up their kiddie pool and they played with my aunt and her and Grandma's dogs. It just felt so good to be there, that I did not want to leave. I wanted to spend another week, so I could sleep upstairs in the bed I had often shared with my sister in a room filled with toys, dust and old books. I felt at peace there. I can't explain it, I think her house is probably my favorite place. I hadn't been to her house for nearly two years, and I am so glad I was able to go visit Grandma at the farm for even just a few hours.

Wonderful.

Totally worth the trip.

Tell me about your special places. What are your "Grandma Houses"?

TTFN

2006-06-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I am going on a little vacation to a land without the internet.

See ya in about a week!

My son, the sailor

2006-06-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

When I was in junior high, my favorite anime show was Sailor Moon. My husband, knowing this, has in the past purchased Sailor Moon videos for me that are now in our collection that we let our kids watch.

E has recently developed a love of Sailor Moon. More specifically, he seems to really like Sailor Venus (seen at right). He often puts a yellow blanket on his head, like it is hair, and calls himself Sailor "Pena." He means Venus, but either he can't say the V or he doesn't hear/comprehend it on the t.v. show.

And so the following humorous dialogue that occured as we were getting ready for bed:

E: (wearing his hair) Look at me, I'm Sailor Pena!
Charming: I hope this doesn't affect him later on in life. That show has enough gender confusion as it is. (Mock femmy-man voice) Hi, I'm Sailor Venus...
E: (jumping on the bed) I'm Sailor Peni---s!
Charming: Oh, blog.
E: I'm Sailor Peni---s!
Charming: That's be a different kind of sailor. No worries.

Yeah, that's him. My son the sailor. Mmm-hmmm. My son, the Sailor Man-part.

Mortified

2006-06-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

This is going to go down as my second most embarassing moment. (Followed only by my having to read aloud all about erections in my 6th grade $ex ed class).

So I was at the Smith Meyer's today with my kids in their double wide stroller. I needed to buy a white sheet so I headed back to where the sheets were. In order to get to the linens, I had to pass through a bunch of tables with clearance stuff on them. As I passed by one of the tables, the stroller wheel tapped some kind of bucket that was next to the table and the opposite end of the table collapsed. All kinds of dishes and glassware slid to the floor and broke. In slow motion.

I was mortified.

MORTIFIED.

But the worst part is this: there was an employee lady doing some kind of inventory and when it happened she just looked at me. She gave me the dirtiest look I've seen in a long time, and did NOT SAY A SINGLE WORD TO ME.

Nothing.

What was I supposed to do? I just stood there. I really couldn't offer to pay for the stuff, since if the table's had been properly locked, it wouldn't have fallen down. I wasn't going to help pick it up since I am pregnant and had my kids with me. Another lady who had been looking at the dishes when the event happened, but made no attempt to save the table (since she was near that end) disappeared almost immediately after it happened, and I just stood there not knowing what to do.

And then I walked away.

This was a difficult decision, but I didn't know what else to say. Grinch lady didn't say anything to me, didn't indicate that I was to help, didn't smile and tell me not to worry about it, she just scowled at me like I was flipping pond scum.

iWait, t gets better.

I still needed to get the sheets, so I went to where they were. Another employee had come to help the crabby one and a man walked by and commented about the mess. The second employee lady said, "Well, the legs lock in place."

To which the man replied, "I guess they must not have been, if the table fell down."

And she commented back, "I don't know," in a sort of I-am-sure-they-were-secure-and-if stupid-customers-would-be-more-careful-I-wouldn't-be-on-the-floor-picking-up-broken-glass sort of voice.

Apparently Smith Meyer Witches One and Two were not having a good day.

So, anyway, I walked away. I felt bad about it, not bad about it, and kept looking over my shoulder the rest of the time I was in the store to see if I would be apprehended by some employee saying I needed to pay for the broken stuff.

What would you have done? I don't know if I did the right thing or not. It probably wasn't the right thing, but I really didn't know what else to do. I didn't feel like it was entirely my fault, and I certainly wasn't going to take more dirty looks from an employee who's only annoyance in my mistake was that she was going to have to clean it up, and not because she would be losing revenue. So really, what would you have done? Make me feel better here.

Spam and Extremes

2006-06-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

So what is up with the email spammers? Are they just hoping they'll find someone who fits the demographic they are trying to target? Are they just dumb? I just have to wonder why they send me e-mails for certain male body part enhancements, or the most recent one containing (I assume, based on the title) pictures of black singles. This last one made me laugh as a.) I am not black and b.) I am not single.

Anyway. I wanted to share a bit that I found in the paper this morning. It was a teeny tiny article entitled "Breast called best infant food source." I thought the title was funny since this fact, I think, has been pretty well established already. And being a big proponet of breastfeeding, I read it, and was quite frankly, upset. It started out like this:

"Warning: Public health officials have determined that not breastfeeding may be hazardous to your baby's health."

WHAT? Hazardous? Shoot, I was bottle fed, and I seem to be doing fine...

It concluded with the following:

"A two-year national breast feeding awareness campaign that culminated this spring ran television announcements showing a pregnant woman thrown off a mechanical bull during ladies' night at a bar-- and compared her behavior to failing to breastfeed."

WHAT? Feeding your baby formula is like drunken bar antics?

Ridiculous. Who are these people?

Breastfeeding is a good thing, and I have nursed both my babies. I think it's great and I think more women should do it. But this is bad advertising. What about the women who want to, but for some reason can't breastfeed? Or the other mommies who simply choose not to? Can we alienate them any more please? Are we trying to damage women here, or are we trying to promote breastfeeding? This kind of advertising is not responsible at all, it is simply hurtful. How many mothers are going to be made to feel guilty about their choices or their inabilities from these kind of promos?

Why does out society have to take everything to the extreme?

There are many mothers out there, all of whom make different choices and have different parenting styles, but the common thread among us is that we are women and mothers trying to do the very best we can. This kind of media only serves to pit us against each other, kind of like the whole working mom versus stay at home mom debate.

It makes me sick. What do you think?

I killed a pregnant fly today...

2006-06-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

... and I do not feel good about it.

I squished it and when I lifted up my implement of death (paper towel) there were squirmy maggoty things coming from its abdomen.

SO DISGUSTING.

I sort of felt bad, even though if one of her "children" had been an adult, I would have killed it without any remorse. And I am somewhat glad I did because I would not have wanted all those flies in my house...

And how was I supposed to know?

Weird Guy and a Meme

2006-06-12T15:39:00.000-07:00

So, I was at the local McD's having an ice cream with E, and I realized there are a lot of strange people that take their kids to the playplace. There was the couple with all the tatoos, the woman picking her nose, and then someone really disturbing. He was probably in his late 30's early 40's and he was sitting with his daughters. Totally ignoring them. Why? probably because he was too busy listening to his Ipod and reading about Ashlee Simpson in his US Weekly magazine. I kid you not. He was reading US Weekly, and specifically an article about Ashlee Simpson. And he had a HUGE stack of papers in front of him, the top sheet reading: "Things to Do." Apparently pay attention to his daughters was not on that list. Would you think that was creepy and weird? I did.

And now a meme which I am stealing from the daring one.

Two for Togetherness
Two things you compliment your husband on while in his presence:
1. His handsomeness.
2. His good daddy qualities.

Two compliments you make about your spouse to your friends:
1. He is a great dad.
2. He is incredibly motivated and ambitious.

Two traits you married him/her for:
1. His sense of humor
2. His love and respect for me

Two days you cherished the most with your husband being together:
1. Our wedding day; we got married, we went to Universal Studios and umm... other stuff
2. The day E was born

Two material things you could give your husband if you just inherited a fortune:
1. A Mac
2. A Nintendo Wii
3. A big house in the rainy place (or would that be more for me...)

Two things you would miss the most if she/he left for two weeks:
1. His company
2. His hugs

Two thoughts that crossed your mind when you first met/saw your spouse:
1. Oh, this must be one of my roommates weird friends
2. He's pretty funny

Two favorite dates:
1. Our 3 year anniversary dinner to a nice Restaurant on Lake Washington, two days before Reenie was born
2. Probably our first non-date date when we hung out together all day just doing random stuff and getting to know each other

Two funny odd things you love:
1. How he gets so focused when he talks that he doesn't notice anything else
2. The creepy face he makes when I ask him to

Two places you have lived with your spouse:
1. Provo, UT
2.Redmond, WA

Two favorite vacations:
1. The first Christmas we spent with his family in New Jersey
2. Our "honeymoon" to Steamboat Springs, CO

In the News

2006-06-08T07:36:00.000-07:00

Note: This was YESTERDAY's post, but blogger was being, umm, less than helpful...

So, I have decided that for at least the next 5 posts or so, that I will NOT be talking about my children. I love them, and they are darlings, BUT, I am going to use a different part of my brain on this blog for the next week or more.

So today, I will share some of what I read in the paper. First there was a classified ad for kittens which read: "Kittens- 8 mixed breed, 6-8 weeks old, male and female. $3 or best offer." The part that sruck me as funny was the "or best offer." If you are only asking 3 bucks, are you really thinking someone is going to try and haggle you down to a lower price? "Hmm, 3 is a bit steep how about $2.50?" Or maybe they were just hoping that someone would walk in and say, "Nope, this kitten is worth at least a hundred dollars. I won't buy her for anything less." I think they could have saved themselves on the ad price and left that bit off...

And then there were a couple articles about the "day of the devil" which apparently was yesterday, 6/6/06. Some 700 people on BetUS.com wagered $2 that the world would end, and a spokesman for the site stated, "come rain sleet or snow or apocalypse, our clients will recieve their winnings." But probably not if the world ended, right? They should have just bought a couple of candy bars instead of placing their bets, I think.

A movie about the devil's child came out yesterday too, and some expectant mothers fought tooth and nail to keep their own babies from being born on the day of the beast. One woman went into labor Monday and by Tuesday still had not given birth. She had this to say, "We were going to try to get it out before midnight or I was going to keep my legs closed. I don't want her to have that stigma for the rest of her life. When she gets older, her friends would say that anything bad would be because of her birthdate." Who thinks like this? Give me a break. Since I and many other people were blissfully unaware of Satan's day yesterday, I really don't think her friends would say stuff like that. If they were good friends anyway.

I just don't get into speculation and superstition. It's a waste of time.

Although I will say, when I was 19 I was a little nervous on New Year's Eve of 1999. I was at a party and shortly after midnight the power went out. Of course it was rigged by the kids that lived there. Good for a laugh, and then guess what? The world didn't end and all fall apart.

So while I am not too worried about end of the world, I think I may be placing an offer on some $3 kittens. Think they'd take $1.50?

Princess Reenie

2006-06-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

Today I want to write about the cutest girl in world, my mini twin, my Reenie Bean.

She is so similar to me in so many ways that it just blows my mind. Take sleep for example. I LOVE my sleep. I love naps, I love going to bed, sleep is my good friend. I have a hard time falling asleep at night however, despite my love for sleep. When Reenie was days old, she too had difficulty falling asleep, often staying up until 1 am. And she still struggles with falling asleep at night, and like me, she wakes up a bazillion times.

But she clearly likes to sleep, and she loves her naps. Today she was watching Bob the Builder with E and I told her in a few minutes we were going to read stories and have our naps. I walked out of the room and the next thing I knew, Reenie was in her bed, tucked in with the door closed. Not asleep yet, but still in bed, ready for a nap. (Which usually last for two to three hours) Who is this person? She is AMAZING! Of course, one difference in our sleep patterns is that I take awhile to wake up in the morning, whereas she pops up ready to immediately go sproinging off the walls.

And it isn't just sleep. The kid is persistent like me, she's emotional like me, and when she thinks you aren't understanding her she gets frustrated like me. And yet, she is so different than me. She is so much more adventurous than I am. She likes Daddy to swing her upside down, she tries to jump off the back of our couch, she does somersaults in church... She's much funnier than I am too. And she always has a smile for everyone, whereas I think I am a little more umm... not having a smile for everyone (though I do try...)

She is just an awesome kid. A handful of energy, and yet helpful, cute and funny as all get out. She loves her big brother and all his big boy toys, and still loves girly things too. Like wearing her "pitty" dresses and carrying her baby named "Lady." She knows where mommy's baby is and likes to blow on my big pregnant belly and laugh at the flatulant-like noises. She loves to sing (like me) and will climb up onto the piano bench and demand that I "sit down" next to her so we can tickle the ivories together. She loves playing outside, she'll swing for hours and she loves her "Elmo" shoes.

That's her. My Reenie. My Bean. She's going to be two soon, and I am so glad she's a part of our family. I don't know how we ever lived without her.

What Have I DONE?

2006-06-03T13:35:00.000-07:00

I CUT OFF REENIE'S CURLS!!!!

I was just thinking she was getting a little shaggy and that maybe she needed a little trim. I thought I would still leave some curl, but apparently I did not.

I mean she still looks cute, but when I went to stroke her sleeping little head, there were no sweet curls!

I hope they grow back...

Because it Tastes Good

2006-06-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

E was picking his nose the other night and eating the boogies. I asked him how it tasted, he said "tastes good" and laughed.

A couple nights later, Reenie was putting her feet in her mouth. I asked her why she was doing it, she replied, "tastes good."

Then today when I offered E some water instead of juice, he informed me, "no, I don't want any water. Water is yucky. It tastes gross. We don't drink water."

Well, at least they know what they like.

Meme This!

2006-05-31T08:27:00.000-07:00

Well, Emily at the Sassy Lime has tagged me for a meme. Here it is.

What is your favorite word ?
Mommy

What is your least favorite word ?
I don't know that there's a word. But I certainly don't like to hear the phrase, "One of the kids just vomited."

What turns you on spiritually, creatively, emotionally ?
Music for sure, on all accounts. Quiet time, reverent time for reflection. People thinking of me.

What turns you off?
Profanity. Lack of respect for others.

What's your favorite curse word?
umm, don't (typically) curse, So I don't have one. When it very rarely pops out it usually rhymes with SPAM.

What sound or noise do you love to hear?
Rain. My kids giggling. My kids calling me mommy or really anything they say.

What sound or noise do you hate?
My kids fighting. Too much going on at once.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Hair stylist.

What profession would you not like to do?
Poopsmith

What would you like to hear God say at the pearly gates?
Welcome home, my good and faithful servant. Glad you could make it, you did a great job. The teriyaki and chocolate cake bar is over there. All you can eat. No, we don't have calories here.

And I tag:
anyone who wants to play.

Monday (not so much) Morning Confessions: Things I am in Love with

2006-05-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

1. My husband.

Duh. I don't know why I even mentioned this one. SOOoooo obvious. But still, it should be on the top of the list...

2. The Hardware Store

I don't know what it is about this place. I just get high (not literally, ya sickos) off of all the stuff you could use for "home improvements." The smell of it, the paint colors, the garden department. Mmmmm.... Love...

3. Popsicles

Maybe it's just the summer, but these babies are my favorite food right now. As I was eating one the other night I told Charming, "Popsicles are the best food."
"Are they your favorite food?" he asked.
My reply?
"They are at this very moment."

4. People thinking I am younger than I am

Okay, NOT. I actually hate this. Twice on Saturday, twice, I was referred to as Reenie's "big sister." Maybe it was because I was actually wearing makeup, something that moms obviously do not do. But here's the question, how many 21 month old children have "big sisters" who are 6 months pregnant? I wasn't wearing that disguising of an ensemble.

5. My New Body Pillow

To quote my lovely friend Heather: "No pregnant woman should be without one." Why, oh, why has it taken this long for me to be in possession of one of these wonders? I love it, love it, love it! Oh how sleep has taken on new and miraculous levels of joy! I hope my friend will never, ever leave me. Aaaahhh. I can't wait for my nap...

I'm normal, the Mom's club might work out, and my Avon Lady is DEFINITELY a man

2006-05-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

Well the tests came back disappointingly normal. Guess I'll be going to bed earlier for the rest of my LIFE.

Also, a while ago I posted about my experience with a certain mom's group. The ladies were not, umm very social or welcoming, so I promptly quit subjecting myself to THAT. Anyway, I got a call earlier this week from a lady from the same mom's group. She basically said that the group was going through some changes. IE the old board members were leaving the group and the numbers were starting to dwindle and would I be interested in possibly being on the board. Hmmm....

So I called her back and told her why I had not come in the past. Uninviting experience, mom's not my age, left feeling worse than when I came, etc. Apparently I had not been the only one with these complaints... Anyway, she invited me to a playgroup yesterday and you know what? It was fun. Some new, nice and social girls and around my approximate same age. Yay! It might work out this time.

And my Avon Lady is a man. I am sure of it. The one time I called to speak with "her" it was a lady's voice mail and I left a message. The call was returned by a man (her "husband") and the product was delivered by a man in a Budweiser shirt. I recently placed another order via email. Guess who delivered my stuff? The same man, wearing a different, but nevertheless Budweiser shirt.

Now Charming says the guy said he was just doing deliveries for his "wife." I say if he really has a wife who sells Avon, she is either a white type personality, so passive and people shy that he does her business for her, or she is a red and just really wears the pants.

But I am pretty sure there's no wife. And my Avon Lady is actually Budweiser Man.

My kids offcially stink at hide and seek

2006-05-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

Last night found me curled in a ball of laughter.

Charming and the kids were playing hide-and-seek for the first time ever.

Charming would hide in very easy to find him places. The kids would sit on the stairs and make loud sounds (I guess they thought it was part of the game) and then come out to find Daddy. They would get so close to where he was and then turn around and not see him. It was awesome.

Later we played it in their room. Charming hid behind the train table and you could see his back arching over the top of it. Reenie walks in, doesn't see him and walks out. E then finds him. They play again. Reenie leaves and E stays in the room with his eyes closed and counts to ten. Charming hides behind the chair and E is baffled when he opens his eyes. He disappeared. He looks around and then leaves the room.

E eventually came back and did find Daddy when Charming made the chair rock, but the best part was yet to come-- E's turn to hide. He hides in Daddy's original hiding spot behind the train table. Charming comes in after counting to ten and E waits about .5 seconds then jumps up saying, "You found me!" So he hides again. Same place. Same outcome. Only this time Charming pretends he can't see E and keeps looking in different places. E continues to jump up and down saying, "I'm here! You FOUND me!" Oh so funny.

And oh so few skills at the hide-and-seek.

Weeds and Fatigue

2006-05-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

We have weeds. Not just weeds, but I would say WEEDS. Possibly even weeds from the gates of Hell. Not the weeds from Hell, because our next door neighbor has those. These are maybe their spawn. Not really sure.

Needless to say, the weeds are stressing me out. They are taking over our backyard, we have sprayed them twice, and while some are dead, many more are being "born" every day. I need to give these weeds the zero population talk see if they can keep themselves a little more chaste. They are taking a few too many liberties. It's not landscaped back there either. I called a lawn care guy today who said he had a great spray that would even keep seeds from germinating, but that it didn't kill grass. Not even wild grass, like some that we have back there. Problem is when I called the "weed control" services they said they only did commercial property and that their spray would kill everything for two years. Not what I need exactly.

So I am at square one. Tight budget, no tolerance for weeds, and much more to do in the yard beyond their removal.

And I am oh so very tired. The kind of tired that I am, I have decided goes beyond the normal pregnancy tired. I woke up this morning fatigued. I took a three hour nap from 1 to 4. I feel okay now, but how fair is it that I feel normal for only a few hours a day? I am going in to see my midwife today to have a blood draw so they can check a few things.

Hopefully they find something treatable.

If they don't, I think I need to start going to bed at 7 p.m. Because if I am going to feel like this everyday for the next 14 weeks, life is heading towards the the land of suckdom.

Any advice about the weeds?

My Apologies to the Ladies

2006-05-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

Well, we went on our little blogging ladies weekend. Lots and lots of fun. And no one turned out to be an old man, so that was good.

After the dinner Saturday, we had our group picture taken by some folks in the parking lot. One "photographer" was quite funny. He kept saying things like, "Okay, now you're angry!"

Then, for me, as a pregnant lady (the other pregnant blogger having departed) who had gotten little sleep the night before and hadn't had a nap in two days, things began to fall apart.

The girls decided on a shopping trip to the dollar store and/or Wally-World to get matching, cheap-o mementos. Fine, no problem. But things started to get a little silly, and I started to want only a bed. Only a bed and not prolonged and drawn out giddiness at the Wal-Mart.

I am not always a party pooper.

So, I must give my apologies to the ladies. I hope that y'all will forgive my grumpy face and manners and understand that it was only my hormones and not because I didn't like any of you. You were all delightful, and I am only sorry I could not join you in your late night glee.

It already died, might as well eat it

2006-05-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

I like meat. It's no secret. Go ahead and call me a big Meat Eater.

I also like animals. A lot. Not enough to keep unruly dogs in my household, but I nonetheless love critters.

That said, meat that looks like an animal is difficult for me. Now I am not talking about a steak cut into the shape of a cow or anything, I am talking about meat that looks like it's original self. I just cringe when I see its animal-ness and think that it was once alive and walking around, and then it died, and now I am going to eat it.

Why mention this? Because I did my first turkey yesterday. (I know, it's May. It's hot out. Why turkey? Because I bought one in November, didn't have Thanksgiving at home, and well... you get it.)

The instructions said "remove neck and giblets." Eeeeewww. That was one long neck folks. Why do they even leave it in there? Does anyone actually eat it? I just got so irked that I was pulling out this turkey's neck. His neck. The part that connects his mean, little head to his big, turkey body. Strange experience. Too much like animal, not enough like meat. Yeah, and I never found the giblets. (Though Charming did later, when he was carving it....)

So yes. Turkey trauma. But let me tell you, that bird tasted dang good. And as I said to Charming at the dinner table, apparently I can cook a turkey.

Things that Grow... and then Talk Smack

2006-05-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

I am always amazed when things grow. I am mostly talking about my garden here, but yes I am still amazed that a baby can grow inside my body and then continue to grow once it's on the outside.

I recently planted some bulbs in my front yard, some strawberry plants in my square foot garden and some zucchini seeds in our hostile back yard. They are all coming up. I am amazed. I am feeling giddy about these things. The fact that the zucchini managed to pop up out of our harder than a rock dirt impresses me the most. I am second most impressed by the bulbs coming up, as I wasn't even sure I was planting them right.

But I just am so happy that my plants are growing. It is miraculous to me, to think of all that they had to push through to get to the surface. That water got down to them and stirred up life, I can hardly fathom. One of my strawberry plants that I was sure was dead, has started to sprout green leaves and I can hardly contain my joy.

This morning Reenie and I were in our yard, enjoying the in-my-opinion-entirely-too-warm morning, and I was thinking on these things. She was sitting on the two person swing when I decided to join her on the other end. She seemed irritated. She was quick to inform me (I kid you not) that I was "too heavy." She said clear as day, "you're too heavy."

Yeah, she's not even 2. I don't know where she learned the word heavy.

So, yes. The miracle of life. Growing things. Growing bigger, growing taller, growing the ability to insult people.

This is my life.

Mother's Day

2006-05-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

It's a great day to be a mom. Reenie was very entertaining today during our church sacrament meeting, doing somersaults in front of our pew and the like. She has also discovered the art of "other uses for the sacrament cup."

E was the first to discover this art. He would take the tiny, clear, plastic cup and suck his lips into it so he looked like Sebastian when he was telling the little mermaid to "pucker up like this."

Sometimes he would get the cup to suck onto his chin so he looked like King Tut.

Reenie decided today that she should chew on a Finding Nemo sticker and then spit it back into the cup with glops of saliva. After this game was worn out, she put the cup in her mouth with the opening of the cup pulling back her lips and exposing her teeth and gums. Somewhat reminiscent of this:

or maybe this:

or even this:

Oh man, the things these kids do to make me laugh. I almost couldn't breathe as I was relating to Charming the manner in which E was picking his nose. Straight faced, staring off into the distance, the boy, in slow motion nonetheless, picked his nose, examined it, transferred fingers and very delicately brought it to his tongue. I wish I could do a video post. It was hilarious.

Happy Mother's Day.

Potential Book Titles

2006-05-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

I don't have much to say, but sometimes things happen in my life that make me think, if I ever write a book about motherhood, I am going to use that for a title. So here are a few of them:

Saving Scrapbook Pages from Poopy Fingers: Tales from a Mother with Toddlers

There are Better Things to do with Quarters than Shoving Them in Your Diaper

Don't Use that Fork for Eating, I Saw Where You Just Put It: Strange Things You Say When You Become a Mom

Would it be Possible for You to Pee on the Floor Again Today? (A book about potty training, I think)

When I asked You to Clean up the Mess You Made, I didn't Mean that you had to Eat it

If I have to Vacuum up Another Box of Cereal, I Think I'll Go Insane

I Should Have Bought Stock in Fruit Snacks: Things I Wish I'd Known Before Becoming a Mother

Okay, that's it. Can you add any?

Got Friends?

2006-05-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

“Raise your hand if you don't need or want any more friends,” said the Relief Society teacher one Sunday. One woman actually had the audacity to raise her hand and say she didn't think she could handle having any more. Hard for me to picture it coming from her, as she had always seemed unfriendly and intimidating. I couldn't see how she could have more than a couple of comrades.

But no one else did. In a room of twenty or so women, all living in the same neighborhood, only one dared to say she didn't need any more friends. And though my heart reached out to these sisters, I was nonetheless perplexed, for I had found difficulty in making friends with this same group of women. Were they just too scared to raise their hands? Or had no one ever taught them how to make friends?

It's interesting, I think, how we go about making friends. How we bring people into our circle. The circumstances under which we begin sharing our lives with others. When we are small, like my children, we become friends with whoever mom invites over for playdates or the neighborhood kids that we see when we go outside. Our friendships are based on proximity. And yet, even in my small children, I can see that they have preferences. Some children, for whatever reason, they do not get along with at all.

So sometimes, our friends are the people we see everyday, like in high school or in the workplace. Other times, we make friends with someone just because we like them. Their personality clicks with ours, or we are otherwise drawn to them. And if they like us too, this is great. We call each other to hang out and talk and it is enjoyable for everyone.

But what I want to talk about is becoming friends with someone out of need. Sometimes it is just the mutual need for friendship, but often it is because we need them or they need us for some other reason. When I moved back to Utah over a year ago, I needed friends. I needed support, I needed a whole lot of help because I was struggling with a deep and desperate depression. A neighbor, Aussie, filled that need for me. We became friends. Later, when I was doing much better, I struggled because I could not help Aussie in the ways she had helped me. It wasn't until she allowed me to serve her, that I felt true friendship grow between us.

I don't like the feeling of one-sided friendship. Mostly, I don't like it when I am not needed by my friends. It is hard to constantly give and never recieve (something I have experienced only once) but I would still rather be on the end that gives more than on the end that cannot give at all. And yet, if I do not allow others to give to me, then where is the mutuality of the friendship?

I think this is where my sisters in Relief Society are falling short. They are willing to give, but they are less willing to be given to. In our church we have a program called Visiting Teaching. Two women are paired together in a companionship and they are assigned two or more other sisters for whom they are to watch over, to visit, and to befriend. It is a wonderful program that I deeply love. The problem I have found is this: at the end of each visit the visiting teaching companionship asks the sister they visit if she needs anything. She very, very often says no. What does this say to that companionship? It says, to me at least, I don't need you and I don't need friends. It makes it hard for the relationship to be anything but superficial. Even if all she said was, "I need you to keep visiting me," a stronger bond would develop.

This all goes back to Kathryn's post about being real. For example, there is a girl that I visit teach, K, and she is a lovely girl with two small children, just younger than mine, and her husband works long hours, and she is far from her family. This to me screams need. At first, I thought this would be a great opportunity for friendship, and we are friends to a certain extent, but she always tells us when we visit that she has no needs. She is striving so hard for independence and trying to fight the fight alone, that is hard for us to become truly close.

And yet I have become really good friends with Cate, another girl I visit. She is so open about her needs, even though she doesn't necessarily ask for assistance. She is real, and fun to be with. We have become good friends because we could both fill needs for each other. She is ready and willing to serve me, and I do the same for her. She has family close by, like so many in our neighborhood, but yet she needs and wants friends, and so here we are.

There is so much more I want to say, but this has become a long post as it is. But to conclude, I say this, life is hard and it is too short to try and go it alone. If you come across as having no needs, you will be passed over and seen as someone who is "covered," as in, taken care of, no effort needed here. If you need friends, be a friend, but let others be a friend to you as well. Be who you are, you don't need to over-reveal, but you don't need to conceal either. Allowing others to see our life's imperfections creates connections.

Kids at the Albertsons

2006-05-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

Well, sorry it's been awhile. I have been watching a couple of my friend's kids and it has been CRAZY. In fact, on Monday I decided to take my 20 month old, my 3 year old and her 6 and 3 year olds to the Albertson's store.

Yes that's right, 4 kids and one in the tummy.

Now, they really were reasonably well behaved. I don't have as much to blog about this event as would make this a truly interesting post, but I will say this, E was the best behaved, followed by Reenie. The 6 year old was walking and he kept dashing off, and the other three year old kept trying to get out of the cart.

But picture this: I am 25 years old. I am fair skinned and blonde and look young for my age. Here I am at the Albertson's store with four blonde headed kids and a pregnant belly. No possible way that all these kids could be mine, and me expecting another one. And yet, at the check out line, the cashier hands my preferred card to the six year old and says,

"Will you give this to your mom?"

To which he replies, "Oh, she's not my mom."

The cashier gives me a smile like, he's so funny and aren't you lucky. To which I say,

"He's really not."

She keeps smiling. I don't know why.

And I am pleased to report that I didn't lose anyone, none were injured, all enjoyed their cookie. I spent $56 and I saved $56. A great shopping day, all things considered.

Don't I Need a License for this?

2006-04-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

So I got to thinking last night, thinking about my age and about how I am about to have a third kid, and I thought to myself, when did I grow up? How did I qualify for this job?

And I got to thinking about licenses. In this world, a license is required for many things. Sometimes we take a test, and sometimes we just shell out the dough. So now some lists.

Things we need a license for:

Fishing (no test)
Hunting (not sure about the test)
Driving (test)
Marriage (no test)
Flying (test)
Teaching school (test)
A pet (no test)
Cutting Hair (test)
Taking care of other people's children at a daycare (test?)

Things we do not need a license for:

Mowing the Lawn
$ex (not trying to be crass here)
Having and raising children
Grocery shopping
Tying shoes
Many other things....

Does anyone else find this odd? We need a license to get married, which is major, but we don't need to take any sort of test. We need a license to take care of other people's children, but no license is necessary for having our own children or the act that causes it.

I know this is not a new concept. It may not even be that interesting. But just something I thought I would throw out there. I think I do a pretty good job being a parent, but I think we might live in a nicer world if some parents had to take a test and get a license.

And does anyone else get annoyed with the turnover rate of Hollywood marriages?

Reenie Strikes Again

2006-04-20T20:29:00.000-07:00

As I was going to bed last night, I grabbed one of my pillows only to find several pantiliners stuck to it. I had a chuckle and went to sleep.

This morning, Reenie found some additional mischief. She found my heated eyelash curler and shoved it curler part first into a tub of vaseline. It was pretty far in there, folks and I have not even attempted to take it out and clean it. When I found her, she had vaseline all over her adorable, smiling face.

So we came to check some e-mail. Apparently, while I deleted my fan mail from Pottery Barn, Reenie was decorating herself with black pen. I looked down to see her shoving it in her diaper and then drawing all over her legs. Funny thing is, rather than snatching the pen right away, I just sat and watched her, thinking how I probably should stop the nonsense. I took the pen. She got it back without me noticing. And then as she was toddling out of the room I observed something quirky about her stride. The pen was sticking out of the back of her diaper, and she was trying to keep it from falling out.

Crazy kid.

At bedtime we sing songs to our kids, usually whatever they request. Tonight's bedtime routine went like this:

Reenie: Song...
Me: What song?
Reenie: Up above... so High (translation, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)
(I then sing her request)
Reenie: Song..
Me: What song?
Reenie: Up above... so High.
(I sing it again)
Reenie: Song..
Me: What song?
Reenie: Up above... so High.
Me: Umm, how about a different song. What do you want E?
E: I am going to pick a different one.
Me: Okay, which one?
E: Twinkle, Twinkle.

I sang it again and left them to their sweet dreams. What a life we lead... Have a good weekend!

The Great Mustache Contest

2006-04-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

A little while ago, I mentioned that Charming was participating in a mustache contest at work. The rules were simple: Grow out all your facial hair for a month or so, and then shave it down to the mustache. They would then be judged on whose mustache looked the best. Here is Charming pre-shave down:

I don't have any pics of him, after the beard came off, but I can say, he looked a little something like this:

And so, we were not so surprised when Charming won the award for "Worst Looking Mustache."

And now he is back to looking like this: (he's on the right, thank you.)

I started calling him Baby Face, because he looked so young after the shave, but I really do prefer him this way. All though, now he is talking about how much he misses the beard, and I am thinking, it wasn't awful, but it wasn't great either. So tell me what you think? I really don't want the beard back...

It's 9:22 am, what else can she make a mess with today?

2006-04-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

Reenie, it seems, is on a mishievously destructive path this morning.

First she ripped about ten keys of the computer keyboard, and about sent Daddy through the roof.

Then, she did something quite funny, which is actually why I am posting. I wish, oh I wish I could have posted a picture about this one. I thought she was downstairs with big brother, so imagine my surprise when I found her sitting in my room with a box of... pantiliners.

Yep, big white stickers, apparently. She had peeled the backs off of almost all the pantiliners, and was, get this, sticking them all over a ball. I just had to laugh, and then she peeled the clump of pantiliners and handed them to me. A gift. How lovely.

I hope this makes you laugh as much as I did. Little 19 month old girl with a box of pantiliners, a small purple ball, and a smile on her face. So innocently making a mess.

It's so early still, I wonder what else this day might hold. Any guesses as to what she might get into next?

Editor's Note: E later found said pantiliners and was sticking them to the bottom of his feet and calling them shoes. They were just the right size.

Monday Morning Confessions: Tasks I Do NOT Enjoy

2006-04-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

I was going to title this post "Kid Tasks I Don't Like" but I didn't want to portray parenthood too negatively. Plus in all honesty, I really couldn't come up with many! Except for...

1. Blowing Bubbles for the Kids.
Yeah, don't like it. I love seeing their delight, but I hate the stickies on my fingers and the way they always want to do it themselves, so... Enter the My First Bubble Blower!

They just pull the handle and bubbles shoot out the top, I do nothing, they get bubbles and I don'thave to clean anything afterwards! (Amazon sells it for $12, we got ours on sale at the Tar-jhay for $10 on sale.)

2. Mopping the Floors
Not so much the task, but the preparation. The sweeping, the furniture moving, the buckets... Ugh.

3. Taking Showers
Before I go on, I do shower on a regular basis, and I consider myself quite clean. I do enjoy being in the shower, but getting out (cold!), drying off, and having to do my hair are mega-MEGA unfun.

4. Bra Shopping
Haven't done it lately, but it needs to be done. I just hate going and trying them on and seeing how every single brazier fits me in some uniquely strange way. I mean, the bra sizing is not quite accurate is it? They should sell sizes like 34 A perky, or 44 D hangs low, or for me 36 C has nursed two babies and is currently pregnant. Wouldn't that make it easier? Ooh! Or some kind of Jetson's style machine where you just walk in and walk out with a perfectly fitting bra. Yeah. Sounds good.

5. Being Sick
Not exactly a "task" per se, but I am sick today. Sore throat, lack of voice, head bursting, phlegm. Not fun. At least it's snowing outside, so I have double excuses to have a lazy movie watching day with the kiddies.

All right, I know you don't love doing everything. So I turn it over to you for your own confessions...

Unrealistic

2006-04-14T07:54:00.000-07:00

So, I was doing a little online window browsing for maternity clothes this morning and I came across this image:

Anyone else believing this? This is supposed to be a pregnant woman in a swimsuit bottom. I take issue with this image for the following reasons:

1. This woman if pregnant at all, is not very far along. She will not look like this for her entire pregnancy. She will be much, much bigger.

2. Sure, I'd wear a bikini if my tummy was all shiny and flawless and airbrushed!

3. What is up with the media? It's bad enough that they make women feel the need to be perfect looking when NOT pregnant, but come on! Cut us some slack when we're eating for two!

Having said number three, I really enjoy my pregnant body. I love being curvy for a legitimate reason (and not because I ate too many bon bons) and I can't get enough of the big belly. That said, if anyone else were to see me in the buff, they might not agree with my positive body self image.

I think we can all relate here, don't you?

A Tale of Two Warts

2006-04-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

As you may recall, I went in about a month ago to see the doctor concerning some warts of mine on the soles of my feet. I have decided that wart removal is a little bit like cosmetic surgery. Lemme Esplain:

1. It's painful. The procedure itself is bad, but the recovery pain is worse. I felt like the biggest dork limping around for three or four days-- not because I was injured, but because of a voluntary procedure I had undergone.

2. It 'aint pretty. I have seen the pictures of those recovering from going under the knife. They don't look good. At first my warts turned black, then they peeled off taking some outer skin leaving me with a peeled back blister revealing tender pink skin. Grossedy-ossey-gross.

3. You must go through the ugly stage to reach the swan stage. I know that once it is all over I should have my beautiful smooth foot skin once again. A couple weeks ago, I looked at Reenie's cute little toddler feet and was very envious. Soon, I told myself, soon.

4. Sometimes you have to do it again. Yep, I am going to have to go in again for "the big one." She is still around, though not as massive. I shudder. I do not want to go again...

Well, that's it in my world. What's going on with you? I hope none of you have to deal with warts.

What not to do

2006-04-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

Here is what I do not suggest. Never, ever, EVER adopt a dog when you have an 19 month old, a 3 1/2 year old and are 5 months pregnant. It may sound like a good idea at the time, but let me tell you, it oh so very is not.

Yeah, we adopted a German Short Hair Pointer today at shortly before 1 pm. Shortly after 5 pm, we returned her to the rescue group.

I feel like a dork. I feel stupid. I feel inadequate. And I feel oh so incredibly relieved that the dog is out of my house.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love dogs. And this dog was great with my kids and they LOVED her. They were draping themselves over her, pulling on her tail and hitting her and she could have cared less. What I could have cared less for was the multiple times she peed (and pooped) on my carpet, her indifference to me, and the way she escaped causing us to drive around the neighborhood before we could leash her and force her into the car.

I feel like I haven't had a break all day.

It was like having my post-partum depression all over again. I cried all day and was exhausted and I spent so much time tending to the dog, that I ignored my kids. (More than I usually do anyway. :))

Well, it's over. The kids didn't seem to care that I took her back, since they didn't know we could potentially have her forever anyway. The shelter refunded my adoption fee and I am only out about $50 which I spent on dog food and stuff, but that I donated to the rescue group. At least they got something out of it.

So what have I learned? Dogs are a lot of work, they are like having another child, and shelter dogs are like step-children since you still have all the responsibility and they don't have any loyalty to you. And don't get a dog unless you have a fence. I just couldn't take trying to keep the dog and the kids from escaping our backyard.

And I have learned that other peoples dogs are great for my kids. Just fine.

Should we let him open his own bank account?

2006-04-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

So E knows what money is. He recognizes coins as money, and dollar bills as money. (As a side note, he once slipped me a fifty while I was taking a nap.) Anyway. I don't know if he knows what money is for, but as it turns out this kid may be more observant than I thought. Yesterday he brought me my American Express card and said, "Here's your money, Mom."

Wow.

Since we've never called credit cards money, I was impressed.

Not bad for a three year old, eh?

Invention

2006-04-07T18:20:00.000-07:00

I have come up with an invention that is going to revolutionize the modern world-- the voice activated brasier.

Think about it.

You would never have to adjust a slipping bra strap again! You would never have to reach into your shirt in a public place to fix the ladies! Just say out loud (probably a whisper) "tighten straps" or "strap slipping: adjust please" or even "give us a boost."

Come on, you know it would be a great invention. I came up with it actually when I was trying to tighten my straps the other night and could not quite reach the adjuster part. It was quite awkward. This invention could fix such problems.

What do you think? Have I got a winner here, or what?

Monday MorningConfessions: Irrational Fears

2006-04-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

1. The Dark
Yes, I am afraid of the dark. Not as much as I used to be, but mirrors in the dark irk me, and I don't see very well in the dark, so there you go.

2. My children falling from heights
I guess I could have just said I am afraid of heights, but really it's more that I am afraid of falling or dropping my kids. Not that I ever would, but I am a little paranoid. In fact we have an open banister that I always walk as far away from as possible whenever I carry Reenie, and I always get nervous when Charming has the kids on his shoulders and we are walking on the second story floor of a mall. So weird, I know.

3. Terrorists
This is sad to say, because isn't this why they are called terrorists? I know I shouldn't be, but every time I see someone suspicious looking, I get a little edgy, don't you?

4. Death
I have a pretty good concept of where we go when we die, and that is not the part I fear necessarily. It's more that I fear the way I could die, or the fear of leaving my kids behind without their mommy.

5. Dogs roaming around without a leash
I love dogs, but dogs I don't know... hmmm... iffy. There are a lot of dogs in our neighborhood and often they are just sitting in their front yards without leashes. This drives me crazy, as I am always afraid they are going to run out and try and get me. If I were ever to become a gun owner, it would be to protect myself from attacking dogs.

Okay, so it isn't necessarily good to be afraid--we know that fear is not of God-- but nevertheless, I know that some of you out there have a few fears. What are they? Come on, don't be afraid to tell.

Busy but Loving It

2006-03-31T10:02:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a busy week and it's not over yet. I have had two Creative Memories parties this week (much success!) and tonight is Charming's Birthday Event. (He's 30 today... shhhhh...)

So here is something funny that happened the other day. The kids and I were in the bath and I told them that I had a baby in my tummy. Reenie was like hee-hee, poke, squeeze, and E says, "Yeah! That's your baby! You have a baby in there" The next day, I was on the couch and E announces, "I have to go potty." He then squeezes his belly and says, "I have a baby in here," and leaves. It was amusing.

And another day Reenie is rocking on her rocking horse and we have this conversation:

Me: Are you Reenie Smith?
Reenie: NO
Me: Are you Reenie Diaper?
Reenie: No...
Me: Are you Reenie Crazy Horse?
Reenie: Yeah.

So they are pretty cute. And I just wanted to say in this post that I have been really happy with my life lately. For those of you who have been reading for awhile, you might know that I have really struggled this past year with post-partum depression, a major move, not having friends etc, but I will say I think I have finally arrived. I am in a place where I feel like I could stay for awhile, I am starting to feel like I have friends that I can just call up and ask to hang out, and things are going pretty well. So yea for me.

That Crazy E Kid

2006-03-28T15:50:00.000-08:00

So, sorry it's been a few days. I have been busy, and I may not post again for a few more days after this. But don't be sad, be happy that I am doing so well that I don't need to blog!

Yeah, so E. He's funny. He got this blood blister about a week ago and then it popped, so he of course felt that he needed a band-aid. We gave it to him, but every time it came off, he cried and begged for it back. So we just kept giving him new ones. Until he no longer wanted a new one... he wanted the same one. I looked at the band-aid he was wearing yesterday and let me tell you it was nasty. It was all frayed and dirty and gross. This morning it was gone, and I assumed it had fallen off in the night or Charming had secretly removed it. Whatever. E seemed not to miss it. Then when we were leaving for the store today we open the door to the garage and he gasps. "Oh NO! What is THAT on the Ground?" he says. I thought he meant the paint cans. Nope, he had seen one of his bandaids, still in its little finger roll. It was not el-nastito band-aid-ito from yesterday but one from earlier this week. Despite my objections, he insisted on wearing it.

Eeeww, gross.

And now more from funny E.

A little while ago, Daring Young Mom held a contest to name her new van. At the time I remember thinking, "I need a name for my van too." Well, apparently I don't need to worry about that anymore. E informed us yesterday that the van's name is Lady. Wheew! Glad I got that one taken care of.

Cucumber

2006-03-22T14:49:00.000-08:00

I couldn't come up with a good title for this post, so I just used the first word that came to mind.

Anyway.

We have this cute book at our house called "The Way I Feel" by Janan Cain. Each page talks about a different feeling. For example, the last page is PROUD. I was reading it with Reenie today and noticed that she was sort of saying the words along with me. So I decided to leave off the last word on the page and let her fill it in. It went like this:

Me: "Proud. I did it! I did it! I shout to the crowd. Getting dressed by myself makes me feel..."
Reenie: Happy.

The correct word is obviously proud, but I just thought it was cute how she sensed that they were similar emotions. Pretty smart for a year and half. And very cute.

And on another topic, I have been cleaning today. I have several methods that I would like to share with you for tackling the big overwhelming looking messes:

1.Listen to Music. A must for the cleaning. Today I chose some music by the Bulgarian Women's Choir

2. Start in one area and work your way around. Sometimes this means just picking a corner and moving along until everything is spotless, or you can choose an area to start with such as the floor and then move to countertops (this is what I did today.)

3. If you are really overwhelmed give yourself a time limit. Say "I am going to clean for twenty minutes straight," and then set the timer. Often you will find you can keep going, and you will be amazed at what you can do in a small amount of time.

Anyway. That's my post today. My cute kid, and my cleaning tips. Cucumber. Go figure.

Something Serious

2006-03-21T08:16:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who has been married for over a decade, is still young, and is childless much to her own pain and sorrow. It always makes me sad for her and I never know what to say and when I found out I was pregnant I was scared to tell her. And I wonder why it is that she who wants children so badly, should not be allowed to have them, when other people who maybe don't want children or who don't really care have them so easily and sometimes mistreat them. I just struggle with this so much as I can't understand why life is so unfair sometimes. Here's me white knuckling the journey to having a third child, and here's so and so struggling with fertility.

I guess I just have to trust that Heavenly Father is aware of everyone and knows what's best and in the end has a greater plan than any of us can fathom.

The other night as I lay next to my children trying to help them get back to sleep, I thought of my childless friend. I thought of all the things that she can do because she does not have kids. And I asked myself the important question-- "would I trade my kids so I could have those things?"

And of course the answer was no.

Even though I am rarely put together, even though my house is general chaos most of the time, and even though I am putting many of my own dreams on hold, I would never ever trade this life and these children for anything. Even though they are my greatest trial, they bring me such joy and they are so incredibly wonderful.

And I continue to wish and pray and hope for my childless friends out there. I desperately wish for you to be blessed with what I have. But if you never are, know that God still loves you and He sees the whole picture. And I know that I can not know your pain, but that He can and the Savior can. And even though I don't understand why we are all given such different challenges int his life, He does. And though I trust that God is in charge and knows everything, I sometimes wish I could have a little glimpse so I could understand things a little better myself.

And I am stopping my religiousy tangent now. I just wanted to get that off my chest. Something more lighthearted next post.

Warts and Fame

2006-03-17T10:20:00.000-08:00

This post is about two things: my experience yesterday with some wart removal and fame and blogrolls. Okay fine, three things.

So I went to the doctor yesterday to have some warts removed off of the bottoms of my feet. I have had the “big one” since I was pregnant with E (in other words, four years) and I am pretty tired of it. First of all when I get there, they take me to the “procedure room.” This sounded slightly daunting, as you can imagine. Shelves filled with all kinds of medical things, and lots of football memorabilia including pictures of Steve Young and a Joe Nameth signed jersey. And then the doc comes in. He looks at my feet, makes a comment about their nastiness and tells me what we are going to do. So then here I am laying on my stomach (thank goodness I am not further along) with my bum facing the doc while he burns the living daylights out of my feet. Well, freezes actually, but the sensation was stinging, fiery heck-like burning.

And then I am done. He tells me the stinging should go away in about twenty minutes. It's not really that bad now, I think to myself. I limp to my car, feeling like a dork, and start the drive home. It is not long into the drive when the “stinging” begins. Let me clarify-- burning worse than the initial 'procedure. In fact, I seriously had to check to make sure there was not an actual fire coming from my shoes as it was my entire feet that were in pain and not just the wart sites. Thinking how unsafe of a driver I must be, I drive with as much care and speed as I can to get home.

Now let me just tell you, a little wart removal causes a lot of pain (more than twenty minutes worth) and paraplegic type behavior. I limped and crawled around my house all afternoon and evening until my blessed bedtime arrived. Feeling better today, but still limping.

So in my limping state I receive a phone call from a friend yesterday. She tells me some exciting news about her blog, basically indicating that she is about to become very popular and famous. I am happy for her as she is very talented and cool. But it starts me a 'thinkin.

I want to be famous.

Why? I ask myself. Surely it is not so that my life can be public property or so that I can be chased by paparazzi. But I think that each of us desires a little fame so that we can be recognized. So that we can feel special, or important. We want to be popular and well liked. And I think this is part of the reason that I blog. People that don't even know me are reading me and essentially validating me and saying, “we think you're cool.” It's this desire for “fame” as it were, that makes me upset when I get no comments or feel rejected when someone removes me from their blogroll.

Yes, I was recently removed from someone's blogroll. Devastating. (Although, she and I have since come to an understanding.) But you know what? As I thought about it, I realized that there really is only one blogroll that matters. Heavenly Father has a blogroll of inifinite proportions, and He is reading the blog of my life every day and not missing a single detail. He is aware of me and He loves me and He is laughing and crying right along with me. He may not always leave comments, but I can always tell him what I am thinking and feel His love for me. And the best part? Everyone is on His blogroll-- He never deletes them, even when He finds their material offensive. Isn't that so great? I may not be famous, but I am important and special. And somebody really important thinks that I am awesome.

Royal Sleep Requires a King

2006-03-16T08:40:00.000-08:00

My mom has a king sized bed that she paid $2.50 for. Yes you read that right, it cost two dollars and fifty cents. She has a knack for getting the great deals, though actually, my stepdad was the one who scored this one. He was at an auction with my grandpa and no one was bidding on this king sized mattress (of course it has a waterbed frame, and that's a little unusual) and so when the auctioneer got down to $2.50 my stepdad was like, "what they hey, I'll go for it." Now they have a king sized bed that cost them less than a kids meal at Carl's Jr.

And I am jealous.

E last night climbed into our bed at 2 am. Charming didn't notice this, even though E climbed directly over him to get in. For whatever reason, E feels he must sleep on his back to take up as much room on the bed as possible. In addition to this he has a reflex that causes him to swing his arm out when he is sleeping on his back. So, yes, I was smacked in the face for three hours by a three year old until I finally asked Charming to put the boy in his own bed. My husband is a deep sleeper, and he is not very coherent when you wake him. Since he didn't know E was in our bed, I don't know that he knew what I had asked him to do. He asked me, "how do I do it?" Ummm, pick him up and put him in his bed.

Anyway. I so very desperately desire a king size bed of my very own. Anyone selling one? I don't think I can pay more than two dollars and fifty cents. Let me know if you hear of anything. And umm, don't forget to add on to the story from the last post. It needs your mad writing skills!

My Life as Fiction

2006-03-15T09:37:00.000-08:00

The Princess Mom awoke to an unusual morning sound-- silence. But where were the children? Sleeping? But no! It couldn't be. But it was indeed true, the children and Charming had slept in. She poked her sleeping husband and asked him if he was planning on going to work.
"Yes, I am going," he said.
"Well you better get up," she told him.
"Don't worry," he said. "I'll get there by nine."
She looked at the clock and shook her head. It was 8:22.

The Princess Mom sighed. How wonderful that she could sleep in now if she wanted to. And yet, her stomach grumbled. Cheerios with bananas and strawberries, she thought. And the concoction sounded so tempting she had to get out of bed.

Before heading downstairs she looked out the window. Pure whiteness. Snow was blowing all directions and a good 8 or 9 inches covered the ground. She found the sight beautiful and yet knew it would blow all her plans for the day. Well, at least I won't have to sit through the most boring and age inappropriate story time ever at the library, was her reassuring feeling. But it is March, time for spring! I want to garden and go to the park! Her irritation soon gone, she went down to eat her breakfast.

Charming arrived downstairs at 9:30, ready to leave for work. "Do you want to shovel today, or should I do it?"he naively asked her. She gave him the look. He got the shovel and set out to clearing the driveway. She went upstairs, found the children playing with their new train table, and started thinking about a shower. As she gathered up her clothes, she sighed yet again. Ugh, maternity undergarments. Am I that big already? Resigned to her fate, she set off to get clean, but first she took a minute to peer out the window to watch her husband hard at work with the snow shovel. She noticed that no one else had done their driveways and opened the window to tell him so.
"Yeah, well Wednesday is not a big working day," he joked.
"Mmm hmm. I hear it's becoming the new Saturday," she said back.
"Most people are thinking they want a break in the middle of the week instead of two days at the end," he finished.
"You're funny," she told him as she shut the window and went on with her routine.

Ten minutes later, showered and dressed, the Princess Mom went downstairs and started the hot cocoa maker. (Yes there is such a thing). When Charming came in they both had a frothy cup of hot chocolate, said their morning family prayer and then he was off to work. It was 10 am.
Well, she thought, time to start my day. She started to clean but was interupted by...

Okay, you know the drill. Time for you to finish up the story. Come on, make my day a little more interesting...

Monday Morning Confessions: Things I Cannot Do

2006-03-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it's actually Sunday night, but I am sure you'll get over it... Anyway, things I can't do, taking a deep breath and hoping you won't judge me...

1. Crochet

I have mentioned this one before, but you know I will tell you again, I just can't do it. Many have tried to teach me, many have failed.

2. Measure out the correct amount of dry pasta to get the correct quantity of cooked pasta

I typically err on the side of too much, which is typically what I get-- too many noodles. Better than not enough, I guess.

3. Cut E's hair in a normal, not retarded looking style

I blame the boy for this. It really is his fault more than it is mine, since he's the one who jerks his head at just the wrong moment so that his hair is cut really short in the back. Now, even if it wasn't me who had cut the hair, people are still going to be looking at me funny. This is the sad thing-- I get the funny looks when he's the one who looks like he took a weed whacker to his own head.

4. Understand why my kids are so weird

Okay, this uis just an excuse to post the following conversation with my 18 month old

Me: (pointing at myself) Who's this?
Reenie: Mommo (No it's not a typo, she does call me Momm-O from time to time)
Me: (pointing to Reenie) Who's this?
Reenie: E! (her brother's name) Ha ha ha hee hee ho.
Me: No, who is this? (still pointing to her)
Reenie: E! (more laughter)
Me: (pointing at E) Then who's that?
Reenie: E.
Me:Then who are you?
Reenie: Daddy. Ah ha ha ho ho hee hee hee.
Me: No, you're Reenie. Can you say Reenie?
Reenie: Yep.
Me: Say Reenie!
Reenie: E.

I don't know if she's pulling my leg or if she is confused as to how names work. It could be the latter since she frequently calls me Daddy or Charming Mommy. Weird kid.

5. Turn off the smoke alarm, apparently

Small kitchen fire tonight, err uh last night since this is umm, Monday's confessions. Anyway, the smoke alarm gets going and I get my chair and try to turn the cursed thing off (it doesn't take much smoke to get a reaction throughout the house). No dice. The alarm is screaming in my ears and I am trying desperately to turn it off, holding the button for a long time, or pushing it rapidly, and I get nothing. Nothing. Nothing but loudness in my ears. Charming comes down, turns it off, and gives me a dirty look (he has sensitive ears) and leaves. Oh well. I can put out a kitchen fire anyway-- baking soda, it really works.

Okay, so enough about me. I know none of you are all powerful or infinitely talented (though some of you may come close) so make me feel better about my own shortcomings. What can't you do?

The Snore Factor

2006-03-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

Okay, so Charming doesn't really snore, thankfully. This is good because my dad snores like a grizzly bear. In fact, we went camping one summer and I was convinced there was a bear outside until I realized it was just Dad snoring away as usual. It's pretty bad.

But not Charming. He doesn't snore. Usually. The one exception is this-- if he is lying on his back, he will snore up something fierce. It is a process, actually. It starts with slow heavy breathing that gets louder and louder until it is a full blown snore. I can usually get him to stop if I tell him in my ever so sweet will-you-quit-the-noise-I'm-trying-to-sleep voice, "You're snoring. Roll onto your side." He pretty much complies. Last night as I lie awake for about 2 hours between 3 and 5, I had to tell him at the loud breathing stage, "Honey, roll over, you're breathing loudly." How picky is that?

My grandpa used to fall asleep in his chair watching television at night. I would bet for probably at least the last ten years of his life he slept his nights in his chair. And he would snore. In fact when he died, and I went to see his body he just looked asleep to me, and I kept expecting to hear his ever familiar snoring sound. The reason I mention this is because E has recently developed a preference to sleep in his chair in his room. Usually I make Charming go in there and put him in his bed, but last night I fell asleep before I could remind him. E spent all night in his chair. Just like Grandpa, but without the snores. Someday he'll have them I'm sure, but thankfully not yet.

And slightly off topic-- why is it that when Reenie (our nigthtime waker-upper) begins actually sleeping all night long, that E must wake up at 3 am demanding milk and songs from his ever so exhausted mother? How fair is it, that said milk getting and singing woke up said mother so much to the point that she (well me, actually) could not get back to sleep for two whole hours? Fair? I think not. But I guess I should just be glad that neither my husband nor my son snore loud enough for me to need to sleep on the couch. I am oh so glad about that.

Monday Morning Confessions: Things I have learned recently

2006-03-06T09:09:00.000-08:00

Just a few factoids you might be interested in...

1. It is possible for Reenie to sleep through the night, as she did it twice this past week. It's not possible for me, however.

2. For a three year old, watching someone cross stich is highly entertaining and amusing.

3. 18 month olds can make pee in the potty chair!

4. Charming (who turns 30 this month) had a plan to grow a mustache. This morning he changed his mind and shaved.

5. Hearing an 18 month old repeat the phrase "Oh man, oh man," over and over again is like, the cutest thing ever. (She got this from the bro, not from us.)

6. I am still susceptible to the morning sickness pukes. (And Reenie will stand by me and toss toilet paper in the john while I am at it).

7. Reenie is quite good at putting on her own eyeliner.

8. We have a gopher or something in out backyard.

9. Suggesting to your husband that you want to paint your living room does not always get desirable reactions. (After seeing other non-white walls, he has changed his opinion, by the way.)

Okay, it's your turn-- what little factoids have you picked up this weekend that you are dying to share?

In which a picture will NOT be posted

2006-03-01T17:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have a confession.

It is beyond time for me to clean out my microwave.

I will not be posting an image, as it is far too, ummm, not for virgin eyes, I guess. But I figure the reason it has gotten so bad is this: I am short and my microwave is up high. I would wipe it down after every spill, if I could reach it without needing to get a stool. So there you go. My height is my excuse. Short people are allowed to have dirty microwaves. 'Nuff said.

And here are some funny, strange, or uncomfortable things that have happened this past week or so:

*Reenie developed a nasty rash all over her back (eczema, we believe)
*E out of the blue, randomly started picking up his own toys without being asked
*My dad asked me if I was "showing yet"
*My dad told me an off color joke about marital se*
*Reenie put her finger in my nose so hard that it bled
*I beat a video game
*Reenie was putting her mouth on a step stool and E said: "Reenie! Don't eat stool!"

Okay, not a lot going on. But we have gone to the park twice this week as it is starting to thaw out here. Yea! I have never wanted summer so badly in my entire life.

Where is everyone?

2006-03-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, so fewer than few comments lately....

But the sitemeter says you all came...

Where's the love?

Did I scare you all off with my Creative Memories plug?

I sure hope not.

I am sorry if I did.

Please come back.

Creative Memories: Shameless Promotion

2006-02-27T08:47:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is my second post today, but I wanted to let you know about an exciting update in my Creative Memories life!

I now have a website where anyone can order Creative Memories products from me and have them shipped straight to their own home!

If you have a lot of photos, and aren't into the fancy scrapbooking, please check out my site!

We even have these:

Monday Morning Confessions: Personal Habits that Bug the Hub

2006-02-27T07:46:00.000-08:00

Now, don't get me wrong, Charming is a wonderful man who loves me just the way I am. But there are a few things that from time to time earn me some gentle reminders...

1. When using a condiment at the table, I don't screw the lid on all the way
I figure someone else might want to use it, so why tighten it all the way? I set the lid on top, so it doesn't get lost, and leave it where it is. This bugs Charming because it looks like the lid is on, and he doesn't want to spill...

2. I drive on the lawn
Only sometimes, and only when backing out of our miniature two car garage. We seriously have the smallest two car garage known to man, and since I already knocked our mirror off the right side, how am I supposed to know if I am driving on the grass or not?

3. I don't turn my clothes right side out before I wash them
I just take them off and throw them in the laundry basket. Or I leave them on the floor... another peeve of his.

4. I don't put the food away immediately after I use it
I'm hungry! I make the food, I eat it, and then I clean it up. Usually...

5. I leave out sharp objects
I really don't do this that often. But every once in a while, pins get into the carpet or a knife gets left on the counter, and oh, I so hear about it.

Okay, so don't make me feel like the only one! I know you guys do some things that bug your hubbies (or someone else, if you are unmarried). So c'mon, don't leave me hanging. What are the annoying things that you do?

2006-02-22T20:05:00.000-08:00

I am having a blog block, so now a little something I have been saving...

What My Life is Now
(by me)

It is a phase, filled with little people who need me. People for whom I am their comfort, their protection and their love.
Mt life is saying no to fruit snacks one minute, and then giving them away like oxygen the next because I need to talk on the phone.
It is loneliness.
It is chaos.
It is exquisite bliss and joy.
Seeing their smiles, hearing their laughter and feeling their tiny hands in mine.
"I need you Mama"
"I love you Mama"
"Can I get some more chocoalte milk over here Mama?"
It is never sleeping the whole night through sometimes just out of habit.
It is wiggly toddlers sleeping next to me.
It is laughter.
It is tears.
It is being vulnerable as I watch a part of me walk away and grow up, becoming subject to the travails of the world.
It is not always knowing what to do, and worrying that my little ones won't turn out just right.
"Don't do that to your sister"
"Put the eggs back in the fridge"
"Can you please make poop on the potty?"
It is never having a clean house, and yet not being able to fully blame that on the children.
It is finding delight in their newfound skills or their new favorite things.
It is the following food groups: Ramen, Macaroni, Goldfish Crackers, Cheeri-os and Fruit Snacks.
It is leftovers for dinner.
It is compromise.
It is loving deeply.
And sometimes yelling.
Somedays the smells of the body fluids make me gag.
Somedays we veg.
Somedays we over do it a little.
Somedays I wouldn't change a thing.
Somedays I just want out.
My life now is something it will never be again.
It is changed forever.
And someday these little people won't need me or love me near as much as they do now.
And someday I'll look back and be sad about that.
And then, hopefully someday, I'll get to be Grandma, who seems to have a really great job.
But still, I like my job too.
It works.
I'll keep it.
For as long as the position is open, I'll keep it.

Rolling it Up

2006-02-21T09:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, so over the weekend Charming bought a PS2. He already had one game for it, and so he started playing a crazy game called Katamari Damacy. The object of the game is this: you have a big ball and you roll it around various places picking up all kinds of stuff, that stick to your ball (your katamari) making it bigger and bigger and bigger. You then give your ginormous katamari ball to the King of all Cosmos who hurls it into the sky and it becomes a star. It's weird, and quite fun. I am developing an addiction to this wacky video game.

Anyway, so last night as I was trying to sleep and trying to figure out how to get Reenie to not cry and go to sleep herself, I thought about this game. And I thought to myself-- that is what I want. I want my own katamari ball that I can roll around my living room, my kitchen and pick up all the toys and crud and then just hurl it into the sky and be done with it. Doesn't that sound great? So if anyone has a spare katamari for sale, let me know. Maybe I'll try E-bay.

Frumpy Ump

2006-02-20T19:22:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been a lovely week-end. My mommy came to stay with me, and I was amazed at how in minutes she could do the same amount of cleaning that takes me ummm... days. Yeah, it was great.

What is not so great, is that I have officially reached the frumpy stage of my pregnancy. I must now wear pants that fit me in the waist but are overly large in ever other place. My shirts must either be too baggy or especially tight and curve defining. I am too big for my normal clothes and too small for maternity clothes, and therefore I look frumpy, folks. I hate to say it, but I am a baggedy, frumpedy mess, and add to that the fact that I am still not wearing make-up or spending time on my hair, and you have, well a Frumper. A Frumperis Majoris. A big ol' pile of Frumpocity.

And so I wait. I wait for my belly to rapidly expand so I at least look pregnant and not, hmm, let's say bulgy. Because then I can pull all my cute maternity clothes out of storage and I can even go shopping for more. Hooray!

And does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can beat the frump? I don't really remember what I did before. That is, if I did anything at all...

My Apologies

2006-02-18T08:52:00.000-08:00

If you happened to be at the Salt Lake Airport last night between 9:45 pm and 10 pm, and you were waiting at baggage carousel 2 for your stuff, when it suddenly stopped, I offer you my apologies. It was my son who pushed the emergency stop button. I am sorry. He has a love affair with buttons.

Let the Games Begin

2006-02-17T08:44:00.000-08:00

This post is about three things: The Share the Love Blog Awards, The Olympics and people who are mean.

Well, I haven't said it before, but I have been nominated thrice in the Share the Love Blog Awards. I have tried to put the banner up, but can't get it to work. Anyway. The reason I haven't said anything about it, is because, well, I don't know. I think it's lovely and I am more flattered than anything that someone would actually nominate me, that winning doesn't matter. I am just happy to have more readers and commentors. I am just happy to be. So go ahead and vote for me, if you want to, but being nominated is more than enough for my self-esteem.

And so, has anyone been watching the Olympics? I have watched enough to know that the semi-boring events are broadcast during the day and the good events keep you up until past bedtime. Well okay, so here's the thing: is it Un-American of me to be happy when the U.S. does not win? I just feel bad when we totally dominate since we are so obnoxious as it is-- and cocky. I almost feel more satisfaction when another country wins than when we win a medal. Is this totally weird? I don't know. But I was totally embarassed when the United States walked in during the parade of nations and they were hooting and hollering and one athlete was chatting on her cell phone! Go USA. Go Everyone Else!

And okay. So, mean people. Someone (I won't say who, but you can find out if you read DYM) has decided to be a big meany about the Share the Love Blog Awards. Awards that were set up to not put us into categories, except that of women bloggers. This person is offering her own reward for the person(s) who can correctly categorize the different nominated blogs into Christian, Mormon, and Unknown columns. This is ridiculous. The whole point was to step away from this nonsensy-nonsense, and here she goes stuffing her big meany nose in it. And I don't like to be mean to people or stir up controversy, but come on. She needs to get a flipping life.

And I don't typically talk openly about my faith on my blog, because: 1. I don't need to do so in order to feel like I am a good Mormon (which I am) and 2. that's not what my blog is about. My blog is about my Mommy struggles and my silly ideas about stuff. That's it. I want to connect with all types of people in the areas that we are similar, not exclude people who don't believe the same as me. And it is not because I am out to convert anyone either-- I don't know that that's possible over the internet anyway-- but it is because I like all different types of people and think that EVERYONE has something valuable to say and that all people are of great value. I hope you agree on this point.

So there it is. Let the games begin.

What do YOU think?

Bummers and Boogers

2006-02-16T08:18:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met someone that from the outside appears to be someone you could really hit it off with, but when they open their mouth, you realize how oh-so-very-wrong you were?

Yes, this happened to me yesterday at a church-sponsored scrapbooking group. She was one of three to show up. Right off, I notice she has a Creative Memories bag, so I ask her, "Oh, so you do Creative Memories, too?" No, she says. Later she explains that her sister had gotten involved in it, so her mother bought everyone Creative Memories stuff to support her daughter.

Me: Oh. I am actually a consultant.
Her: Oh, then you don't want to know my opinion on it.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yeah, I think they are WAY too expensive and I pretty much hate all multi-level marketing set-ups.
Me: Huh.

Okay, so I think it's a bit pricey too, but it was the way she said it, and c'mon this is our first interaction. You don't tell someone that the thing they are involved in sucks the first time you talk to them. Alright, so moving on. This lady has two kids around the same ages as mine and she is also pregnant, like me, and due around the same time. Perfect, I think.

Me: So are you scared or excited to have three?
Her: I don't really think about it much.
Me: (WHAT??? I am scared out of my ever loving mind) Oh, really?
Her: Yeah, half the time I forget that I am pregnant.
Me: (WHAT?????? If only I didn't feel so blasted fat and nauseated maybe I'd forget too.) Huh.

Yeah, not a good match. Not a good match at all.

And in other news, we have had a lot of "booger talk" around here lately. Yesterday, E and I had this conversation:

Me: What are you eating?
E: Nose.
Me: Are you eating boogers?
E: Yes.
Me:That's disgusting

Then this morning:

Reenie: (pointing these things out) Eyes. Nose.
E: Where's my nose? (Points to it).
Me: That's right, E.
E: It's got boogers in it. (Sniffs up the snots)

I then tell Charming about the previous conversation to which E responds, "That's disgusting."

Lovely. All of it lovely.

My Son, the Cake Eating Ketchup

2006-02-15T11:46:00.000-08:00

Last night we had a lovely Valentine's Day dinner at home. We had shrimp, steak, and the most decadent chocolate tuxedo cake that I bought at Smith Meyer. (Used to be Fred Meyer, now Smith's Marketplace.) It was nice.

This morning I made the mistake of addressing E as "son." I was quickly informed that he was not "son" but was indeed E. This conversation ensued:

E: I'm E.
Me: Yes. Are you E. Smith?
E: No, I am not E. Smith. I am E Ketch.
Me: E Ketch?
E: I am E the Ketchup.

Well, it turns out that he is actually E the cake snatcher. I came down moments ago to see my three year old sitting at the table, open cake box in front of him, ready for a little dessert. He wanted some "birthday cake" apparently.

Monday Morning Confessions: Food

2006-02-13T08:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I haven't done the Monday Morning Confessions in a while, but I think I am going to start doing them with a theme. Today's theme: Food.

1.My favorite breakfast food is Chocolate Cake

It's true. A bad (or good) habit I picked up in jr. high. C'mon tell me you don't like it.

2.I don't like nuts in things

Nuts alone are pretty good. Although we can't eat them now because of Reenie's allergy-- especially after this happened. But even before that, I couldn't stand them in things like cookies or ice cream. The texture change-- yuck! Bowls of Rocky Road would come back with a bunch of little slobbery nuts leftover. Anyway.

3. I don't do spicy

When I eat a spicy food, all I can taste is the burning sensation in my mouth. The flavor of the food is really hard to get to.

4. I don't like Red Delicious apples

Of all the varieties of apples, this is the least delicious to me. So why did they add the word delicious to the end of it? To make people think they taste good-- to trick them into buying them.

5. I am a beef-aholic

My apologies to the vegetarians, but man do I love a good steak. My midwife recently asked me if I was a meat eater (since I need the extra protein) and my husband gave an emphatic YES. Forget the chicken. Give me the red stuff.

Well, that's it. I guess I don't have any truly strange eating habits. (Unlike Charming who can't have his vegetables be too big, and won't eat chicken with red sauce.) But there it is. What are your unique eating habits or food preferences? C'mon, fess up.

A secret present and a question

2006-02-12T13:13:00.000-08:00

Charming and E come back from a trip to the grocery store:

E: Mommy! Do you want a heart present?
Me: What?
E: Do you want a present? A Secret Present?

Later:

E: Mom, do you want to get your present?
Me: No.
E:Let's go unwrap it.
Me: So what is my present?
E: It's a Secret Present. C'mon, let's go get it.

Hmmmm.... Charming probably would have done better to say nothing to him at all about it, although it was clear to me that E didn't actually know what it was.

So, on another topic, I am wondering if anyone can explain to me the following:

I usually wake up a few hours after I have gone to bed because I have to pee, and yet I am totally parched and dried out. I use the toilet, take a small drink, and wake up hours later with yet another full bladder. How on earth is this possible? I am so dry, I drink nothing and yet wake up multiple times a night to pee buckets! Anyone know about this?

My Super Powers

2006-02-09T16:29:00.000-08:00

I was on the phone with a friend this morning discussing some strange dreams I have had lately. During our conversation, she mentioned that she doesn't have the same super powers in her dreams as I have in mine. This got me thinking and well, here we are. In my dreams, I typically have the following super powers:

1. I can fly
This power comes in great when I am trying to escape from bad guys. I just jump and into the air and I soar. I have trouble, however, in trying to fly while carrying someone else. I just don't fly as well when carrying one of my children, for example. I do much better when not weighed down.

2. I can be invisible
This is a fairly recent development. I have not always had the power of invisibility. I like it though. Comes in pretty handy.

3. I can go through glass
This is a good one. It has taken me some time to fine tune it, but it is very useful. Especially when I am in a tall building and I fly to the top and need to get out. I just stick my hands in front of me and I glide straight through windows. Great super power.

Okay, so am I totally weird? What do you think these mean? And what super powers do you have when you dream?

Ludicrous Speed--- GO!

2006-02-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

Well, the ball of chaos came back this morning.

E woke up (I happened to be sleeping next to him in Reenie's bed) at 5:30 this morning, whining for MILK. The whining turned to screaming when I told him it wasn't going to happen. When Charming finally got him some milk, he no longer wanted it. He would scream he wanted Mommy and then when I came in he'd tell me to go back to bed. Finally he decided he wanted to go downstairs. He wanted me to come too, and he screamed and cried, "MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!!" So I went down, turned on a video and went back to bed. 10 minutes later, the begging returned.

At some point it quieted down, and I went back to sleep.

Apparently, Charming went down and laid on the couch while E played. Daddy forgave him when he woke up to a bowl of cereal on his lap and a pretzel. E wanted to share. When Charming got up, he found a bowl on the table filled to the brim (no spills!) with Pirates of the Caribbean cereal. (Don't buy this cereal, by the way, it is basically cocoa puffs and marshmallows).

And now, if you'lll excuse me, I need to go downstairs and clean up the chocolate milk that Reenie spilled EVERYWHERE.

The Case for Crafts

2006-02-07T17:18:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been working on these:

I know, I know. I am the most creative person, ever.

Just kidding.

So here's the thing: I really enjoy doing little stuff like this. (These are Valentine's Day cards, by the way...) For whatever reason, creating little crafty stuff like these or doing my scrapbook during the day makes me feel like I have done something special. Like my life is more than just dishes and diaper duty. I am suddenly flipping amazing, and not just a regular ol' mom of tots. And I like doing things like this because they are quick and I can see the results right away. (Unlike needlework, which I also sometimes do, that takes weeks or months to see the final product). Instant gratification. Instant self-esteem boost. Something to do with my hands other than cleaning up poo. Yea!!!

So yes, I enjoy the arts and crafts. They make me feel happy. You should try some too.

An Open Letter to my Electric Toothbrush

2006-02-06T07:45:00.000-08:00

Dear sir or madam,

After a long time apart, I would like to express my gratitude at your return. I have to admit, it is partly my fault that you spent so much time in Suitcase in the Closet land, and if it hadn't been for my need to return Red Suitcase, we might never have been reunited. But it is over my friend, and we are at last together again.

My tooth-brushing experience in your absence was ever so dull and commonplace. Your tiny toothbrush head, fits so nicely and unobtrusively in my mouth, not like Aquafresh Toothbrush, that big space stealing jerk. You, however, are just the right size.

When I used you yesterday morning, after your first night back on the charger, I felt like I was in Oral-B Heaven. It was a personal massage for my teeth and gums. Oh, the ecstasy! I cannot believe that ever entertained the thought of leaving you forever! The way you just moved so rapidly, eradicating every piece of the offending plaque! My motions were so effortless, and yet I felt a deeper sense of toothy clean than I have felt in the past month. You are amazing!

And so on this note, thank you. I love you, love you, love you!

Sincerely,

Stephanie and Her Mouth

A Story Written by You and Me

2006-02-01T18:26:00.000-08:00

When I was in junior high I used to play this game with my friends at school and with my sisters on roadtrips. It's a writing game that can be a lot of fun. Here is what you do: the first person (in this case me) in a couple of paragraphs writes the beginning of a story. It doesn't matter what it's about, but ideally the author will stop writing right at a critical or suspenseful moment, and then pass the story to the next person. The next person picks up right where the first person left off, they write a few more paragraphs leaving a new suspenseful moment at the end for the next person to fill it in. And then the next person does the same thing, and so on and so forth. We usually passed it around several times so we all had lots of chances to write. When I played it with my sisters, we would get pretty mean, but looking back on them, they were hilarious!

Okay, so I have started the story and I hope that the rest of you will post your continuations of the story in the comments. Be sure to make the story pick up where the last commentor left off, and not where I did (unless you are the first person to comment). You are allowed to come back and post anytime you want. It should be a lot of fun-- so here goes! (Remember to keep it clean and inoffensive.)

The Story

It was a rainy evening and the children were finally in bed. The young and tired mother parted the curtains in her room to look down on her little street and listen to the rain. She reviewed her day in her mind-- it had been overcast and she and her children had been stuck inside all day long. Between watching Baby Einstein, breaking up little squabbles and wiping yogurt off of multiple types of surfaces, she hadn't had a moment to herself. And to top it off, it had been ramen special for dinner again. To say her day hadn't been glamorous would have been an understatement. Pretty unexciting and dull indeed. When would it end? she asked herself as she let out a sigh.

Right about now she would have loved to either curl up with a book or converse with her husband (who happened to be working on the computer in the next room), but she was so exhausted that she knew she must sleep instead. Oh well, she thought, another time, perhaps. She climbed into bed and closed her eyes. Sometimes at night as she fell asleep, she pretended that she was someone else. A princess or someone, and that her queen sized bed which seemed too small, was actually a huge four poster bed with a canopy and she was in a castle sleeping in a white nightdress on satin sheets. Tonight was no exception, and in her pretending she soon fell asleep and started to dream.

In her dream she was the royal princess that she had imagined. She was asleep in the four poster bed, and when she awoke in the morning it was a leisurely hour, and servants brought her children to her-- already bathed, fed and dressed. They played pleasantly together, the mother and her babes, until the toddler's diaper needed to be changed, at which point a nurse maid came and took care of it. Luxury! Lunch was taken in the dining hall, the Princess Mom did not have to think about it, prepare it or clean up after it. After the meal the children were put down for a nap, and the young mother had some time to herself. (Not that she had to wait for naptime to have time alone, she could have had anytime she wanted in this Fantasy Land). She was a bit tired, but instead of sleeping she decided to take a stroll in the garden. She got on her shoes and jacket and headed out. It was a crisp day, but as she approached the garden she saw something strange. It was something she had never seen before, and as she approached it--- oh my! It was a.....

Why Be Rational When You Can be a Screaming Ball of Chaos?

2006-01-31T19:44:00.000-08:00

Here's the set-up: It is 7:50pm and time for the bath. E of course refuses to go upstairs to the tub. When we get his kicking, screaming body into the bathroom, more tears ensue.

E: I want to go to BED!!!!
Charming: (Taking E's clothes off)
E: I'm TIRED!!! (More tears and crying as he is placed in the tub)
Me: Just sit down, E.
E: Waaaahhhh! Waaaaaaahhhh! (He sits down)

Moments later, he watches Reenie being washed by Charming, with an I-am-getting-pleasure- from-your-pain look on his face. Then it's his turn. Many, many tears. He is then taken from the tub and wrapped in a towel.

E: I want to hold you!
Charming: Okay. (Holds him and then puts him down)
E: I want on Daddy!!! (Charming briefly holds him again) I want to go to bed!
Me: Okay, let's go potty and get your jammies on.
E: NOOOOOOOO! I wanna go to BED!!!!!!!
Me: Okay, but first we need to go potty and get jammies on.
E: Waaaaahhhh! Waaaaahhhhh!

We then proceed to the bathroom. He is placed on the toilet, he pees and I take him off.

E: I'm cold.
Me: Okay, then let's get the jammies and you can be warm.
E: I wanna be warm.
Me: Okay. (I start putting his arm in the pajamas)
E: (Yanks his arm away and falls in a crumpled pile on the floor) WAAAAHHHH!!!! I wanna be warm!!! I want CLOTHES!

After much struggle and tears, the jammies are on.

E: Where's my BELLY? I want MY BELLY!!!!! I need clothes!!!
Me: E, it's still here.
E: Zip down, MOM!!!
Me: (I zip it down) See? You're belly is right there.
E: (Lovingly caresses his belly)
Me: (Zipping up his jammies) Okay?
E: WAAAAAHHHH!!!! MY BELLY'S GONE!!!!! I want MILK!!!!!
Me: Don't you wanna go to bed?
E:NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

He then goes into his room to tell his Daddy that he wants his belly, and asks him to unzip it. We finally get him in bed with his blanket and then he asks for milk again. Charming brings it, I lay next to him for a few minutes and then leave. And then, he falls asleep, hallelujah.

Apparently, he was just really tired. And hey, I get the same way sometimes.

Fake Puke gets No Tears

2006-01-30T10:02:00.000-08:00

So yeah, the morning sickness. So far, no actual vomit.

I have, however, had some near puke experiences.

Now, the problem is this: no one has any sympathy for the almost ralphing. No sympathy at all.

Me: I almost puked like five times today.
Charming: (Skeptically) You almost puked?
Me: Yeah, I hate it...
Charming: Hmmm... (Goes back to whatever he was doing)

But it is awful. I get these gaggy heaves, where I am convinced that I am about to toss some serious cookieage. But no. No puke for me. And so, I feel terrible and yet get no real sympathy. Because vomit is a tangible sign of illness, and without spewage, other people have no proof that I feel as ill as I do.

But I must ask myself: is their sympathy really worth the throwing up I would have to participate in in order to get it?

What do you think?

The College Savings

2006-01-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

Have you all heard of Upromise?

You earn money for your kids college by buying certain brands of groceries and specific stores.

Well, I have been a member since 2003 and it turns out that I have earned $2.56, since then! Wow, so like in 15 years, between the two of them Reenie and E can buy lunch one time at the college cafeteria!

Woo Hoo!

Lame. Lame-ola lame-da lame.

In other E news, tonight Charming was making chocolate milk and he called it "Chocolate Milkety." A shocked and appalled E says enthusiastically, "Chocolate Milk-ety? That's not it."

The Elevator Belly

2006-01-26T08:29:00.000-08:00

E saw my belly last night and we had this conversation:

E: You got belly?
Me: Yep.
E: (puts his finger in my belly button) Here's the elevator button. (Pushes it in) Ding--dooong.

He's getting funnier.... This morning he said, "Come on, Mom. Let's follow my tummy!" He's been watching Winnie-the-Pooh lately as it is Reenie's favorite show. (Bee-bee-Pooh, she calls it.)

And I am wondering about this-- has anyone heard of the pregnancy drool? I seem to be having a problem with it lately. As soon as my head hits the pillow, the jaw drops, and the drool starts a-flowing. Is this weird? I can't remember if it happened to me before or not. Sorry to gross anyone out.

The Unbloggable

2006-01-25T14:30:00.000-08:00

After we went to see our midwife today, I decided the kids and I needed cheeseburgers and fries. We got them, we went home, we ate them.

Exciting, eh?

Well, so sitting at home watching my kids being super cute, eating chicken nuggets and "dip", I thought of something. I thought, "I can't blog this." And yet here I am. No, what I mean is this-- every once in awhile E says something funny to me and I blog about that. Occasionally Reenie does something that I can also blog about. But their everyday cuteness, the intonations in their voices, their mannerisms. These I can never express on the blog, not because I don't want to, but rather because they cannot be conveyed properly.

These things, I guess, are only for me.

How can I for example, blog to make you understand how cute it is when Reenie responds to a question you ask her? She says this clipped little "yes" (she says yes to everything!) and does a slow nod. Do you want a baby at our house? Yes. Do you want to eat crayons? Yes. Should we all sit around like lumps today and do nothing? Yes. And then when she gets really excited she yells "Yeah!!!!" in the most unfeminine, kiddish, yet heartwearming way. But you, you the reader of my blog, will never get to experience this because you can't see her face or hear her voice.

You will never know how cute E is when he gives kisses on command. You will never know just how stubborn he can be, and feel my blood pressure rise when he says no for the fiftieth time. You will never hear one of his silly jokes-- lately he's been telling us that we're robots, and he thinks that's hysterical. You will never hear him sing his cute little songs.

Nope, some things are only for this mommy alone. And sometimes Charming.

But it's like in those early months of breastfeeding, when only mommy can do that special task. I have moments with my babies that simply cannot be shared with a single other soul. Not even Charming. And they make me feel special, and a little selfish too. And I do wish I could share, just so you could know how wonderful it is and feel those tender feelings.

But some things are just for me. Sorry about that.

Recent Events Involving Brown

2006-01-24T19:03:00.000-08:00

I walked in on Charming cleaning E's ears with a Q-Tip.

Me: Be Careful!
C: I know how to clean ears!
Me: Well, okay, just be careful you could poke the ear drum or something.
C: I got a ton of ear wax out of Reenie.
Me: Yeah?
C: Yeah, you should have seen it. She had poo-brown ear wax. (His face here was priceless). I got like four Q-tips full!

Mmmmmmm.....

Sunday morning E was eating yogurt in my bed while I tried to catch a few extra winks before church. Charming went downstairs and started yelling at me to come see. Reenie had gotten chocolate syrup and poured it all over the floor. It was on her face, her jammies, everywhere. Her response? "Chock-it." Clearly, she was loving it.

Later that same day we had another brown mess with the girl. Charming says to me, "she has poop on her shirt." Chocolatey brown, people. "Are you sure it's poop?" I ask. "Yes," he tells me. We conclude that she put her hand in her diaper (as she has a tendency to do) found the poop, got grossed out and wiped her hands on her shirt. Gross? Yes. Grateful that Charming was home and took care of it? Most Definitely.

And I think I will never get to take a nap again. Today I put Reenie down for her nap and E was reading quietly in his bed. I went to catch some much needed pregnant mom zzzz's. I was not surprised when 45 minutes later, E says, "I need a diaper change." He was not wearing a diaper, and he had pooped in his underwear yet again. I was annoyed. I told the boy to take care of it himself and go in the bathroom. He starts to derobe on the carpet just outside the bathroom. I am still lying in bed watching this. "Go in the bathroom!" I tell him. He continues to undress and of course, poop falls on the floor. I mutter an unmentionable explitive and force myself to get up. I tell him to pick up the poop, which he does, and he then puts it in the toilet. What happened next was not one of my finer mothering moments. I thrust him in the tub and turned the shower on, as he had poop on his legs and I didn't want to wash him. He cried, and I eventually had to wipe it off him anyway. What am I supposed to do? I am on the verge with him, he is so strong willed and stubborn, and oh so very smart. He understands where the poop should go, and he has done it several times. I just can't get him to do it consistently. But I am near puking at the smell, sight and feel of poop these days and I just can't be cleaning up the three-year old's poop anymore. The 1 year old's poop is bad enough.

Well, that's our life recently. Lots of Brown. Yea for us.

Confession Time

2006-01-23T08:46:00.000-08:00

"Mommy!!! I'm STUCK!!!!"

Yes, yes you are. But tell me, why did it occur to you that putting the tennis ball sleeve on your foot was a good idea?

In other news, my house is a bomb site. I simply can't get myself to clean it. I feel like poo, and in my good moments I feel like doing anything but cleaning. And so, a few more confessions:

1. I have of late been refusing to unload the dishwasher
It's Charming's job! And it simply is not compatible with the visual clean. Why would I take something out and put it somewhere else when it is already out of sight? Hmmm? I ask you. Why?

2. I was not as excited with the positive pregnancy result this time, as I was with the first two
Sorry, Spider. I hope when you are born and Mommy loves you to pieces that you never find out about this little tidbit of information.

3. My house will probably look like a horrible mess for at least another month
I am pretty upset about this, but what can I do? The children take up more of my energy than I can give right now, and there is no one I can really call for back-up or reinforcements.
Oh yeah, and...

4. The Christmas Decorations are still NOT down
Well, that's it. Anyone know a good maid?

Jane Eyre

2006-01-21T20:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I just finished reading Jane Eyre. Good book. It took me about two nights of staying up late and a daytime of ignoring my children to finish it. I just had to get through it. I just had to know how it would turn out. I just had to know what would happen to Mr. Rochester's crazy wife so that he and Jane could be together.

That said, I am now sad it is over. Great stories, great books are like friends. Especially where this book was written in first person (love it, it's been awhile since I read one) I felt especially close to the heroine. I was really mad about the way her aunt treated her, I could almost sense her hunger while she was at Lowood School, and I was so sad for her when her sweet friend, Helen died. I felt so miserable when on her wedding day, it was revealed that Mr. Rochester was already married and that she would now have to part from the one person who she ever felt close to and safe with.

I cried at the end when Mr. Rochester was telling her how sad and miserable he had been without her.

I just love a good book, but again it is just so disappointing for it to end. Now what? I ask myself. I always think, there will never be a book so good as this again. I will never have a sweet friend speak to me from printed pages. I will have to give up reading altogether. I will have to now write a great story. And then a few months later, another book comes along, and the romance begins afresh. The rapid reading, the rush to finish it, the closing of the back cover after the final page is read and then the sorrow at it ending.

Oh well. It was good. Ms. Bronte did just such a wonderful job in making Jane very real and dear to the reader. Her joy in finding Mr. Rochester was just so-- oh! And the funny thing about reading a book such as this with a somewhat romantic theme, it always makes me feel more appreciative, and more affectionate towards my husband. Like, "Oh yes, he's my Mr. Rochester (or Mr. Darcy, or Bingley, or whoever..)" Does anyone else ever feel like this? Am I totally weird?

And what should I read next?

Said by E

2006-01-20T16:27:00.000-08:00

Set up: I am lying on the couch while E tries to climb up, using me as his assistance.

Me: What are you doing?

E: I want to get on this.

Me: You want to get on what? The Mom Train?

E: (laughs) All Aboard!

Bank-o Crap-io Excus-o

2006-01-20T10:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, so check this out.

Just before Christmas, Charming got a reimbursement check from his work in the amount of about $400. He signed it and took it to be deposited, but was unable to because the bank was closed. Sometime during his outing, however, he lost said check, and we forgot about it until we returned home from our vacation and started looking into the matter.

It turns out that someone else deposited it.

This is awful in oh so many ways. Well now the bank, who has a copy of the check and knows what day the check was deposited is saying they don't know who deposited it. Well it wasn't us, folks. The date the check cleared we were in Sunny Florida. But this is preposterous to me that they should not know who deposited it. Absolutely ludicrous. In a day and age of computers, databases and good recordkeeping why would they not know who deposited said check?

Charming mentioned that it was perhaps a privacy issue. I countered by saying the depositor had done something illegal. Or immoral at the very least. And though Charming has a fairly common name, this person may not even have had his same name. They wrote no account number on the back of the check or even bothered to endorse it, but it is possible that they just deposited it via the ATM machine and the bank didn't even confirm that the info matched.

But I am sure they have a confirmation number or something associated with that check and it would but take a few quick strokes of the key to pull up the information. If they don't, you can sure as heck bet that I ain't banking with them anymore.

And here's another thought-- what if the person that did this is really needy and poor and could use the money more than us? I would feel bad about this, dishonest though they may be. I would not say they were justified in it, but I would feel bad about making a big deal about $400 that would make my life easier, but not at all needed. But then, they could have been poor and used the money to buy Nikes. Then I would be mad. Well I am mad anyway. Mad at the dishonest person and mad at the bank.

Mostly I just want this matter cleared up.

That's my drama for the day. Any thoughts? What would you do?

If I Buy Your Stuff, Will You Go Away?

2006-01-19T12:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, so door to door sales people....

I have a peep-hole now in my door, so you would think when I see an unfamiliar black man at my door that I would just not answer it, right? (I am not racist, by the way, I would be wary of an unknown white man during the day too...)

So, I am dumb and I open the door.

A salesman. Selling what? Selling this.

First he uses permanent pen on a cloth and then uses his magic cleaning spray to get it out. Then he picks up one of Charming's shoes and cleans gunk off of it with ease. Then he asks for problem spots in my house. I show him an orange carpet stain. Much of the stain comes up, but not all of it. He seems satisifed, but I am not necessarily. And yet I buy the stuff. It is concentrated and very expensive. But I buy it. Why?

Probably for the same reason I opened the door and let him in, in the first place.

And one thing I have noticed about these salesman types-- they have a constantly running mouth-- they crack less than funny jokes, and yet find themselves hilarious. It makes me feel a little awkward. And should I laugh? He doesn't seem to notice that I feel uncomfortable.

And he thought I was older than him. I of course was not. I guess he just assumed because I have two kids and a house that I must be old?

Whatever. It was weird, and yet the most exciting thing that has happened all day.

And now I have some new cleaning product, which appears to be doing a great job on my soap scum.

Photo of the Day

2006-01-19T07:59:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is my tub. Don't worry, the black stuff on the walls is tub crayons and not mildew or something else detestable. And yes, that is underwear floating in the lower right corner. It is E's underwear, I can't remember if it was him or Reenie who put it in there, but it was Reenie who had lots of fun dropping it and flinging it all over the place.

Yesterday, while I was on the phone I heard the tub water running. I went in the bathroom to see E sitting in the tub, naked, with the water going. Apparently, he wanted an afternoon bath. So he got one. Reenie of course, wanted in on the action, so she also had a bath. This is what the tub looked like after that particular occasion.

It's me again

2006-01-18T10:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it's been an hour or two since the last post and I already have more to say. Probably because I just talked to my mom and she said, "Oh I just commented on your blog post about the Rainy Eyes." So I read what she wrote. Here is what she said:

"I am so blessed to have a daughter that likes the rainy place. I too like the rainy place and miss it almost as much as you do, Stephanie. We all have to make choices when it comes to lifestyle. My living in Sp-- is the same kind of choice - cheaper housing, slower pace, less money for the same job (at least 1/3 less than Se--), it has been an adjustment as well. Just know that you are not alone in your journey and that I am always with you in thought and in loving you and missing the rainy place. Let's take a little trip to Se-- together and find that happy place again. I love you. Mom"

What a Nice Mommy.

And also, I love rain. But I do have a special place in my heart for this:

It is snowing right now. The snowman is all that is left of Sunday's snow, but I don't think he's had his V8 juice today, do you?

Pick me out a headstone... for my blog

2006-01-18T08:35:00.000-08:00

Okay, so right now I am an ill mommy. A very ill mommy indeed. I have a head cold and morning sickness, and Utah is oh so very dry and I my eyeballs feel like... something very dry. Raisins. That's a good one.

So it isn't a very good mom day. The children are being cared for by Nanny Video and I am blogging and very soon will be on the couch for the rest of the day, convincing my three year old to bring me cheese and gatorade.

And I think about death. Death for this blog, that is. I am sure all five of you are very sad, funeral services will be held at...

No, seriously. I don't know how long I can do this. The blog has been a great outlet for me, but in many ways, I expect it to do more than it does, and this disappoints and discourages me. I feel like I don't have things to say anymore and it's oh so very time-consuming, and my life needs flesh and blood look-me-in-the-eyes-let-me-hear-your-voice readers, oh wait, I mean friends.

Not to put my whine on (again) but oh how I am struggling here in the Beehive State in my nice little house with my adorable children. I get so jealous of Charming who gets to go to an office everyday and be surrounded by-- people. Even if he doesn't talk to them (and I know he does) at least they are there, and that is so appealing to me. And I love my children, but my brain and my soul require conversation beyond, "Do you have to go potty?" and "What do you want? Oh more (fill in kid food here)." And the ever popular, "Stop doing that to your sister! Crying means she doesn't like it."

My neighborhood people are just not so very outgoing or friendly. Everyone is nice, but outgoing and friend maker types, no. And let me tell you I have tried to make friends. I tried joining a mom's club and basically found no warm reception (one lady actually said she didn't make an effort because the club had already helped her make friends.) I have done a lot, held playgroups and different things, but I just can't anymore. I just, at this point am tired (and for the next little bit, sick) and I can't get out there and hit it hard for friends anymore. And most of them don't really have the need to get to know other people because they either a. already have friends or b. live about 5 minutes from their mommys or c (and this is weird in Mormonville) have another job. I am so jealous.

I am so sorry. I am such a whiner.

So the blog, the blog may have to go, since it affects my self esteem in such weird and probably not normal ways. My family sometimes reads it, I think, but they never comment so it's like a one sided conversation into the empty air. It makes me sad and annoyed.

Changes must be made in this life of mine. I don't know what they are, and quite frankly, I have been struggling to figure that out for the past 18 months. But the blog, the blog may have to go. Or at least, it will have to come back with some cheerier topics.

Again apologies from the unhappy mommy lady.